look to the pasta

Vampires were pretty much my biggest childhood fear, so this fic is, like, the anti-Twilight. IT IS NOT RATED E FOR EVERYONE.

Title: The Tongueless Caverns of the Earth
Fandom: Jonas Brothers RPF
Pairing: Joe/Nick
Rating: NC-17
Length: 28,083 words
Disclaimer: Obviously, this is a complete work of fiction and in no way reflects the actual lives of the Jonas Brothers.
Author's Notes: Written for jb_bigbang. Thanks to tearupthesky, fodian, and swmbo for extremely helpful beta jobs, and londondrowning for cheerleading/advice. All of you made this infinitely better, and I couldn't have done it without you guys. Also a huge thanks to my artist, sarahtoga, who did a fantastic job and created amazing cover art! I can't stop looking at it.
WARNINGS: dubcon, incest, underage (age 17), graphic violence, past off-screen non-con, and a description of someone being triggered; also (major story spoiler, highlight to read): major character death;
also it's about vampires so there's blood all over the place, just FYI, in case you couldn't do the math on that yourself. This is a horror story.

Summary: Vampires have overrun civilization, and humans huddle in walled cities, surviving as best they can, never venturing out at night. After the death of his family, Nick Jonas, former tween pop star, has become a government-employed vampire hunter, working alone and trying to forget the past. But after a year of running from what happened, something's behind him, hunting him in turn, and the past won't stay buried where it belongs.

Part One :: Part Two :: Part Three

Cover Art by sarahtoga

Unofficial Fanmix by tearupthesky

( Cover art by sarahtoga also behind the cut! )

Happy birthday, londondrowning! As a gift, take the conclusion to a story that probably only you still care about, haha. Sorry it's been so long, guys. If anybody's been waiting to read until it was actually finished (anybody? No?), well, now it's finished! Drumroll please.

Title: Sad Songs to Keep Me Awake (6/6)
Fandom: Band of Jonas Brothers
Pairings: Joe Jonas/George Luz, Nick Jonas/Lewis Nixon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 9840 words (out of 49,320 total)
Disclaimer: Hopefully it is obvious that this is entirely fictional.
Summary: The Jonas Brothers defeat Hitler.
WARNINGS: Underage (16 years old). Older dude/younger dude. (Also, for the whole fic, incest, though not in this part.)
Author's Note: Big thanks to miss_bennie and irishmizzy, without whom none of this would exist. For previous installments, see: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five or use the tag. And with this, our story is complete! It's only been a year and a half.

( It never fails, whenever Nix wants to be left alone to drink in peace, he's got an entire goddamn regiment knocking down his door. )

So I'm back from my stint off the grid! It was very relaxing and awesome, once I stopped twitching for internet access, haha. It's really crazy how far out of touch that place is -- like, here are directions to my family's cottage, leaving from Kentucky. First, drive north until you are in the middle of nowhere -- until you're off major highways and there are no more rest stops and the forest has turned to birch and pine and there's not much else besides forest. Then keep driving north for SEVEN OR EIGHT MORE HOURS. TRUE STORY.

Both my brothers could come this year, which was awesome, and the fam all watched the entire second season of Mad Men in preparation for tonight, and we played fetch with the dog in the lake, and I read really vacuous books. It rained for the first half of the time we were there, so we also played a lot of Clue and other board games in the cottage. The great thing about family cottages is that everything there ends up being super ancient, so we have this game of Careers that is definitely from the early '60s, if not before. All the little forms you fill out to play had been used I think before I was born, and then erased and re-used over and over again. And let me tell you, it's really weird to watch Mad Men and then play a game from the same era, because the game was all, "Your wife goes on a shopping spree! Lose 1/4 your cash." And "Gorgeous secretary gives you four happiness points!" It's fun, playing in character as Don Draper. And also how you can become the first human on the moon.

God, I am never going to catch up on the internet, though -- I had forgotten how exhausting RPF fandoms are, what with the constant canon and all. PLUS new episodes of JONAS, PLUS RLiv in Space. Since when did summer get so busy, television?

Also I watched almost all of Generation Kill on the car ride back, and auuuuuuuugh, IT IS SO AWESOME. Why do I like war miniseries so much? Why do I keep picking up shows? Because believe me, some watching of The Bones also went on over these last few weeks.

(Speaking of Gen Kill -- I did a brief delicious search for fic really quickly, and it looks like Nate/Brad is the big ship? Which is cool and all, but... is there much Brad/Ray? Uhhhh if anyone has recs I would not be averse.)

I've been teaching myself guitar since I moved to Kentucky and borrowed one of my brother's acoustic guitars, but I didn't take it to Canada with me and so lost all my callouses. Which means that now my hand is killing me. BUMMER. But I can still play S.O.S. even with two weeks off, so there you go, haha.

Haha, this is the lamest post -- sorry, I'm really sleep-deprived from the drive back.

Oh, and I forgot to post a bunch of easy_academy fic from the last however long (yeah, that Band of Jonas Brothers high school AU is... still going on, I don't know what to tell you), so for completeness, here's the stuff I wrote lately: Outtake #11: If It Kills Me (Dick/Helen, Winters/Nixon; 2904 words); Summer after Junior Year, part 1 (Winters) (Winters/Nixon, Winters/Nick; 11,882 words), part 2 (10,286 words), and part 3 (11,171 words).

Title: Five Times Karen Filippelli Saved the Day
Fandom: Band of Brothers/Jonas Brothers/Disneyverse RPF/The Office/30 Rock/etc, easy_academy verse
Pairings: Karen Filippelli/Bill Guarnere, mentions of other easy_academy canon
Rating: PG
Word Count: 5901 words
Summary: Minor characters have lives too. Set in a high-school AU, but this one's kind of mostly Office fic.
Warnings: Too many crossovers, but most of us know each other from Office fandom so you should've seen this one coming.
Author's Note: Totally fictional, blah blah. agate, irishmizzy, londondrowning and mozarts_friend are the other masterminds. And we've still got a primer: Easy Academy Facebook.

Link.

Title: Easy Academy: Junior Year, Winter (1/2)
Fandom: Band of Brothers/Jonas Brothers/Disneyverse RPF crossover
Pairings: Dick Winters/Lewis Nixon, Dick Winters/Nick Jonas, Lewis Nixon/Nick Jonas
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11,338 words
Summary: Sexy war goes to high school! In this AU (of an AU) the BoB boys are teachers at a modern day all boys school. The student body consists of enlisteds, the Jonas Brothers, and a slew of Disney actors. Waverly Academy is their sister school, with the Disney girls and a lot of randoms as teachers. P.S. This universe is crack-addled.
Warnings: Explicit underaged sexytimes. V. unethical teacher/student relationships. How writing this might make you want to drink Drano.
Author's Note: Totally fictional, obvs. agate, irishmizzy, londondrowning and mozarts_friend are the other masterminds. Aaaand for an introduction to all the characters in this universe, check out our ever-growing primer: Easy Academy Facebook.

Link.

This finally finishes up this run of Winters sections of easy_academy. Aaaand I just wrote almost 40,000 words of this in like three weeks. I do not know what has happened to me lately -- for God's sake, self, write your dissertation.

Title: Easy Academy: Summer Break: Winters [part 2/2]
Fandom: Band of Brothers/Jonas Brothers/Disneyverse RPF crossover
Pairings: Dick Winters/Lewis Nixon, Lewis Nixon/Nick Jonas
Rating: NC-17 for sexin'
Word Count: 11,000 words
Summary: Sexy war goes to high school! In this AU (of an AU) the BoB boys are teachers at a modern day all boys school. The student body consists of enlisteds, the Jonas Brothers, and a slew of Disney actors. It is crack.
Warnings: Underage sex & inappropriate student/teacher relationships alluded to in this section.
Author's Note: agate, irishmizzy, londondrowning and mozarts_friend and I brainstormed all these suckers. For an introduction to all the characters in this universe, check out our primer: Easy Academy Facebook.

Link.

I'm not even going to pretend I'm embarrassed anymore.

Title: Easy Academy: Spring Semester: Winters [part 2]
Fandom: Band of Brothers/Jonas Brothers/Disneyverse RPF crossover
Pairings: Dick Winters/Lewis Nixon, Lewis Nixon/Nick Jonas
Rating: PG
Word Count: 10,200 words
Summary: Sexy war goes to high school! In this AU (of an AU) the BoB boys are teachers at a modern day all boys school. The student body consists of enlisteds, the Jonas Brothers, and a slew of Disney actors. It is crack.
Warnings: Underage sex & inappropriate student/teacher relationships
Author's Note: agate, irishmizzy, londondrowning and mozarts_friend and I brainstormed all these suckers. For a shorthand of all the characters in this universe, check out our primer: Easy Academy Facebook.

( April )

This is, uh, on the dark side. Just FYI.

Title: The Brothers Who Were Turned Into Birds
Fandom: Jonas Brothers RPF
Rating: R
Pairing: Joe Jonas/Nick Jonas
Length: 3500 words
Disclaimer: This is super fictional and no libel is intended -- I do not believe their family is actually like this.
WARNINGS: Underaged incest. UNDERAGED INCEST, DUDES.
Summary: "I'll always protect you," Joe whispers, more to himself than you. It's not the first time he's said it. You're six years old and it never occurs to you to ask him from what.
AN: Thanks to kyrafic for betaing a hard copy of this on a plane on the way to Obama's inauguration. It was nice of you to be bored enough to do that. <3

( You're the third son, the youngest, the baby, and your daddy's a preacher. )

Title: Sad Songs to Keep Me Awake, part 3
Fandom: Band of Brothers/Jonas Brothers RPF
Rating: NC-17 for sexytimes
Pairings: Joe Jonas/George Luz, Nick Jonas/Lewis Nixon (in this chapter)
WARNINGS: Underage (16 years old). Older dude/younger dude. Explicit sexual content. (For this chapter; for the fic as a whole, also incest.)
Length: 7600 words (in this chapter)
Disclaimer: This is obviously incredibly fictional -- characterization of the JoBros is based mostly on my imagination, and the portrayal of the veterans is based on the miniseries, not the real people (no grandpas were harmed in the making of this fic).
Summary: The Jonas Brothers go to sexy war.
AN: The Jonas Brothers made a video set in WWII, then this happened. Visuals to help you out: Joe, Nick, Joe and Nick. fodian gets the credit/blame for the initial idea, and then miss_bennie and irishmizzy EXTREMELY EXTREMELY brainstormed this with me. The fic is dedicated to them. Also, it's super long, so I'll be posting it in parts. Previous: part one, part two, or use the tag.

( ** )