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annakovsky) wrote2011-11-30 05:16 pm
annakovsky) wrote2011-11-30 05:16 pm
Entry tags:
FIC: A Modest Proposal, part 1a (Parks and Rec, Leslie/Ben)
Title: A Modest Proposal (Part 1a)
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tearupthesky and annakovsky
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Rating: R for sexytimes
Length: 12,300 words in this part
Authors' Notes: Set immediately post-"Smallest Park," 4x08. Wouldn't normally post this as a WIP, but it will no doubt get completely jossed by the next episode and this thing is turning annoyingly epic, so we thought we might as well put it out there while it's still canon compliant. More parts coming soon!
Summary: The one where to avoid a sex scandal they just get married.
**
"I should probably go soon," Ben says reluctantly, tracing patterns on Leslie's bare hip under the comforter with his fingertips. "Andy and April are going to know something's up if I'm out all night."
Leslie shrugs a shoulder and doesn't stop stroking her knuckles back and forth against her favorite spot on Ben's stomach, where his muscles make a tiny groove, just like Ryan Gosling in the magazines. She really missed that spot. "They'll probably just think you're with one of your other girlfriends."
She cackles with delight when Ben groans and pushes her onto her back, climbing on top of her with his brow set in faux sternness, his eyes warm the whole time.
"You know I'm not seeing any other girls," he says. "I'm starting to think maybe there's something you want to tell me."
"About seeing other girls?" Leslie says, her eyes wide and innocent. "Nope."
Then Ben's kissing her again and she closes her eyes tight, grinning helplessly against his stupid, perfect, familiar mouth, almost too ecstatic to even participate. God, just, she wasn't ever going to be allowed to have this again. Ben wasn't going to wait around for her forever, he was going to move away or fall in love with someone else and have a million babies with brown eyes, and then it would have been too late and Leslie never would have gotten to kiss him like this again, and just thinking about a world where that's true makes Leslie start to lose her breath, so she tries to focus on the actual kissing instead. How Ben's mouth always tastes like cinnamon mints. The shy way he kind of curls his tongue to the side instead of shoving it in her mouth all presumptuously. Leslie really, really, really missed kissing Ben.
"Don't go," she says, as soon as the kissing stops. She wriggles out from underneath Ben until they're lying side by side, then she props herself up on her elbow so she's in a position of greater authority. Ben seems very appreciative of the way it pushes her boobs together. Whatever drives her point home. "If we start sneaking around again, we're just going to end up right back where we started. No more lying, no more cover-ups. I think tomorrow morning, we have to just march into Chris's office and--"
"Tomorrow morning?" Ben says, starting to frown. "Leslie..."
Leslie sits up, wrapping the sheets around herself. If he wants to get serious, she will get serious. "If we put it off, we're just digging ourselves a bigger hole."
"Leslie," Ben says again, reaching out for her hand. "I know, I just... tomorrow morning, that could be it. He could fire me, or you, or both of us. He could have me transferred back to Indianapolis. It could just... be it."
Leslie laces their fingers together. "It's only it if we let it be. Chris isn't the king of Indiana, he can't send us to the guillotine. Whatever happens, we'll just deal with it. We'll figure out a way. Look at April and Andy, they made it work."
"But Andy's not April's boss."
"Your pessimism isn't helping anything!" Leslie lets go of Ben's hand and crosses her arms over her chest and Ben leans back, looking down and fiddling with the edge of the pillowcase. She feels bad immediately -- it's not Ben's fault they're in this crappy situation, unless she wants to blame his awful beautiful face, which right now in the soft light of her bedroom doesn't seem totally unreasonable -- but when she opens her mouth to apologize, what comes out is, "April is kind of his boss, though. I mean, she's Ron's assistant and Ron's my boss, so technically she's on a higher rung than my assistant, right? And what if she got promoted? Obviously that's not something she's interested in now, but who knows what April's going to be interested in from one day to the next! Is Chris going to suppress her career just because her husband happens to work in the same building? That's totally unfair!"
"It's different," Ben says cautiously, looking up at Leslie with somber eyes. "They're married. It doesn't open up the government to the same possibility of scandal or harassment suits."
"That's totally unfair," Leslie mumbles again, and Ben laughs ruefully. She slumps down against him and he opens his arms for her. "April and Andy and Kim Kardashian can get married whenever they want and we're not even allowed to date? It's discrimination."
"Against whom?" Ben says, running his hand up the back of her neck and curling her hair around his fingers.
"Against awesome single people who just happen to like each other a lot and want to make out all the time," Leslie mutters against his shoulder.
Ben kisses the top of her head. "Okay," he says, after a deep breath. "Tomorrow morning we'll go to Chris. If he wants to fire someone, he can fire me. I'll go quietly. I'd rather be a CPA who gets to make out with you than a state auditor who doesn't."
Leslie looks up at him and wrinkles her nose. "Come on, you don't want to be an accountant your whole life."
"Accountants can run for office too. I would refer you to Mayor John McCormac of Woodbridge Township, New Jersey."
"Ugh, nerd," she teases, giggling.
"Or if you'd prefer, Mayor Kathy Mulcahy of Orange Village, Ohio."
Leslie bites her lip suddenly. "We'll do whatever it takes, right? You're really with me on this, no matter what?"
"Of course I'm with you," Ben says, reaching down for Leslie's hand again, squeezing it tight.
Leslie squeezes back. "Then we have a big day tomorrow. We should try to get some sleep."
Ben leans in to kiss her goodnight but stops short before their lips touch. "Just to be clear, you're not thinking about assassinating Chris, are you?"
"Whatever it takes, no matter what," Leslie repeats, smiling as she reaches out to turn off the bedside lamp. "Don't get soft on me now, Wyatt."
**
Leslie's heart is already pounding like crazy before they even get to Chris's office the next morning. She almost wishes she were holding Ben's hand, except obviously they can't do that in City Hall and also her palms are really sweaty so that'd probably be gross anyway. Ben might break up with her for real, then.
Except she kind of feels like Ben will never break up with her again, and that makes her start smiling a little, even through the nerves. When Ben stops outside the door, he turns to look at her very seriously, but when he catches the smile he starts smiling back, just for a second before he obviously remembers they're about to tell Chris and he goes serious again. "Leslie," he says. "Really. Are you sure you want to do this? We can't take it back afterwards."
She is so sure, she has never been so sure of anything. She can't stand not being with him anymore. "Yeah," she says. "I'm sure."
Chris beams when they come in the door together, looking up from his computer. "My dream team! Back together again! So good to see you!"
Ben looks a little pained as he shuts the door behind them. "Well," he says, his voice a little lowered like he's scared someone might overhear, even through the shut door. "That's actually what we're here to talk to you about...."
"You're going to work with the Parks Department again?" Chris says. He looks so cheerful. Somehow it makes it so much harder to tell him things he doesn't want to hear.
"No," Ben says. "Well, maybe. But that's not -- um, what I'm trying to say is, what we actually came in here about is -- we just need to tell you that we're, um... well, we're dating."
Chris blinks at them for a long second, his bright smile fading slowly. "You're what?" he says.
"Dating," Leslie says. "We know it's against the rules, but we want to be aboveboard, and wanted to talk to you about our options..."
Chris is actually frowning now. Leslie has hardly ever seen him frown like that, except the time he caught her kissing Tom. "But that's a huge ethical violation," Chris says. "This is unacceptable. Ben's your boss --"
"Well, technically," Ben says, interrupting him. "But isn't there some way we could transfer one of us to a different -- I mean, if I didn't work with Parks at all, like we were talking about, that wouldn't be a conflict of interest, would it?"
"Ben," Chris says, turning on him like he's personally hurt Ben would even try to argue this. "You of all people know this is a scandal waiting to happen, especially with Leslie running for office. The assistant city manager having a sexual relationship with one of his subordinates is something the press would have a field day--"
Leslie can feel herself panicking a little more with every word Chris says. Ben's going to get fired in a second if he doesn't back down, and she and Ben already agreed they'd do anything to make this work so Ben's not going to back down, and crap, he's going to get fired for her! That's unacceptable! There has to be another way, and then somehow she's thinking about April and Andy, about how married people don't risk a scandal.
"What if we were married?" Leslie blurts out before she's had time to think anything through, the second the thought comes into her head. Both Ben and Chris swivel their heads around to look at her, equally shocked. Her hands are shaking. She tries to make her voice a little more calm and less shout-y. "I mean, hypothetically, what if we were getting married?"
There's a beat, the longest few seconds of Leslie's life. Then Chris's giant smile comes out again, the one that's like sunshine. "A wedding? But this is joyous news!"
Wait, no, Leslie did not actually say they were getting married -- she was honestly just asking for information, if that would be a way to dodge the rule. But with Chris looking so happy, all thoughts of firing Ben obviously put out of his head, well....
"But why didn't you say so?" Chris says. "You're engaged? You sly dog!" He claps Ben on the back. Ben looks like he's about to choke on his own tongue, and oh God, if he tells Chris they're not engaged and somehow gets himself fired after all, when she's trying to save him, Leslie's going to kill him. She glares at him hard, willing him to see that this is the solution they've been looking for -- look at Chris, he's so pleased! Don't blow this, Ben! Crap, in a second Chris is going to notice that she doesn't have a ring or anything. "We're, um," Ben says. "Well, we're...."
"I mean," Leslie jumps in fast, seeing that Ben's stammering over his words, about to go into his media-meltdown word-vomit mode. "We're still sorting out details, so we don't have a ring or anything yet. We're both very concerned about ethical mining, and it's so hard to find a fair trade jeweler. The diamond industry really -- did you see Blood Diamond?"
"Oh, of course," Chris says. "That is a very important issue, Leslie."
"I know," Leslie says. "So we're looking into alternatives, and it's taking some time, especially with all the other planning for the, um." She sneaks a glance at Ben, who has the weirdest look on his face. "For the, um, the wedding."
Chris is nodding along, obviously completely on board. "I'm so glad you and Ben here are being so responsible. We all have an obligation to be as ethical as we can -- but of course I'd expect no less from my dream team!"
Chris still has his arm around Ben's shoulders, and he shakes him a little bit, friendly and excited. Ben looks dazed, like he doesn't know what's happening to him or maybe like someone's punched him in the stomach, and God, Leslie can't believe she just told Chris they're getting married. Crap. She needs to be better at thinking things through before she jumps in with both feet. Well, they're in it now, but they'll figure it out -- Leslie has every confidence they'll figure it out.
"Absolutely," Leslie says. You just have to commit to it when you get yourself into this stuff -- second-guessing just hurts you. She's learned that at a thousand community forums. "But the wedding's coming up fast, just next month -- we're going to get married in Harvey James Park. It's Pawnee's nicest park, you know, I've wanted to get married there since I was a little girl, and so you really don't need to worry about a scandal, because we'll be married before you know it!" Just, it is very important that Chris knows that they are totally engaged for real, and they're getting married for real, and that this is not at all a fake marriage to get around the stupid dating rule, so he does not need to fire anybody. And somehow before she knows it she's telling him all about the flowers they're going to have, and the very romantic way Ben proposed, and she's only vaguely aware of what she's even saying or how to bring it to a close, like her mouth is on a roll her brain did not sign on for. When she gets cornered she really does not do her best thinking, oh God, Knope, wrap it up! "So, um," she says, after something about a rainbow -- oh God, what is she saying? "So we're engaged! So... that's what we wanted to tell you!"
Ben is staring at her like she's lost her marbles, but Chris is still beaming. "Well," Chris says. "I just couldn't be happier for you two. Of course we'll have to take Ben off the Parks Department accounts, but you being married should mitigate any further scandal, so I'm not worried in the least. Congratulations, Ben! I've been wanting you to find someone for a long time, and you and Leslie are a perfect match, buddy, well done."
Ben... does not actually look like he's capable of speech right at the moment. "Thank -- thank you," Leslie says to fill in the silence. God, she just wants this meeting over with, and she's pretty sure Ben is kind of glaring at her, and oh boy.
**
Out in the hallway, Ben seems to have recovered more of his faculties. "Leslie," he hisses, grabbing her wrist as soon as Chris's door is shut behind them. "What the hell was that?"
"Shh!" Leslie says, looking around. No one is that close to them, but they are in a public hallway and government employees are milling around everywhere.
Ben is rubbing his forehead the way he does before he really loses his temper at her, and Leslie feels herself wincing a little bit already. Yeah, okay, yeah, telling Chris they were getting married was a stupid thing to do and may have been a little over the line, but Ben said he was on board for whatever they had to do to make this work! It's not steamrollering when someone agrees to that ahead of time! Anyway, she was just desperate to save his job, doesn't he appreciate that?
"Leslie," Ben starts, but then he looks around the hallway too, and realizes that people are too close. "Okay, come with me," he says, letting go of her wrist, and starts stalking down the hallway so fast that Leslie has to almost run to keep up.
Ben leads them right to Ann's office, slamming the door open without even knocking -- luckily the office is empty -- and then slamming the door shut again as soon as Leslie's inside. "Gosh," Ben says in his most sarcastic voice, the voice that always puts Leslie's back up. "I don't remember proposing to you with doves. I sound very romantic, though."
"I'm sorry!" Leslie says. "I didn't mean to say all that, but did you see Chris's face before I brought up the marriage thing? He was going to fire you! Or make us break up! I don't want you to get fired!"
"So you decided to tell Chris we were getting married?!" Ben says, raising his voice a little. "Without, I don't know, running it by me first?"
"It's not like I planned that!" Leslie says. "Anyway, you said you'd do anything to make this work!"
Ben throws his hands up, his mouth opening and closing like he doesn't even know where to start with that. "Jesus, I didn't mean that you should say we were going to have, what, lilies at our wedding in Harvey James Park!"
Okay, yes, okay, that was a little much, but c'mon! "Chris was going to figure out it wasn't for real if there weren't any details!" Leslie says. "I had to make it believable."
"Oh, the double rainbow at the proposal was very believable, Leslie." Ugh, she hates when he gets that tone. Also, crap, did she really say there was a double rainbow? No wonder Ben is glaring at her so hard. "What the hell were you thinking?"
But God, it's not like he was coming up with any brilliant solutions back there, so it's a bit much for him to get all mad at her when he was basically dead-weight in that meeting. It's not like this has to be a huge thing! "Ugh, why are you freaking out over nothing? People in the Parks Department get married all the time -- April and Andy got married after they'd been dating for like three weeks! Ron got married, arrested, and divorced all in one day! Tom had an actual green card marriage!"
Ben is staring at her like he is just now realizing he lives in an asylum. "Um, okay, I think maybe your department has a problem."
Leslie is feeling a little hysterical by now -- just, this really can work, why is he not even giving it a chance? Does he want to break up, or ruin their careers?! "It's just a piece of paper! If it doesn't work out we can just get divorced, I don't see why you're making into a big deal! We can draw up a pre-nup if you're going to be a big baby about everything!"
Ben runs a hand through his hair. "Jesus, Leslie," he says, and at least he sounds less mad now. He actually sounds more bewildered than anything. "Now we're talking about actually going through with this? It's not about, God, pre-nups, it's just -- getting married is a big deal."
"But why?!" Leslie says, all overheated and upset and feeling like she's on the verge of tears. "It's just one quick ceremony and then we can keep dating and nobody will care, nothing has to change, we can keep seeing each other and working together and..." she trails off for a second, swallowing. Her voice is really shaky. "And just, you know... also we'd be married." Suddenly she's thinking about it, about being married to Ben and him being her husband and... God, that's just... she can feel herself starting to smile a little bit, just thinking about it, because it's just, it's nice.
Ben's face softens like the idea is getting to him too, like maybe he's thought about it before too, and he starts smiling back at her just a little, like he likes her a lot even when he's furious at her, and then they're just standing there smiling at each other and even though everything is such a mess Leslie feels stupidly happy. She can't believe they're back together after those months of being miserable, can't believe that she woke up with him this morning.
After a second Ben says, still soft, not mad anymore but serious, trying to bring her back down to earth, "Leslie."
"I know," Leslie says. "I know, it was a stupid thing to tell Chris. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that. But... I did."
Ben sighs and rubs his forehead. "Well, look, we just have to...." But he trails off, obviously not thinking of a good solution either.
"Okay, well... okay, here's the way I look at it," Leslie says. "We have two options now. We can either go back down to Chris's office and tell him that I was lying and we're not engaged, and we can get in big trouble and he can fire one of us, or..."
"Or we can actually get married?" Ben says, that dubious tone back in his voice, like this is completely unreasonable option.
"I didn't say they were good options!" Leslie says. "But look, really, what's so crazy about getting married? It'd just be, like, a cover! Like Tom's green card marriage, except we'd, you know, actually be making out with each other and not just secretly in love with our green card wife and not telling her how we feel."
Ben blinks a few times. "Okay, seriously, what was the deal with Tom's green card marriage?"
"It's not important! Would you focus?" Leslie says.
"Geez, okay," Ben says. "I just don't think that marriage -- I mean, look, if we just talk to Chris, he can put me on a different department and --"
"Ben, Chris was not okay with that," Leslie says. "You heard him, it was a huge ethical violation! If we tell him we're not getting married you're going to have to quit or we're going to have to break up. I know it's crazy, but honestly, it solves everything!"
Ben pinches the bridge of his nose like a headache's coming on, and just, it's an actual solution. If he gets on board with it, everything will be fine. "Come on, Ben," she says, smiling at him a little, teasing. "Do I have to get down on one knee here?"
He lets out a little amused breath and looks at her, shaking his head like he can't believe she exists. "Leslie," he says again, and then he rolls his eyes. "Oh, all right, fine. I guess we're going to get married." He says it all put-upon, like he's giving in, but he's smiling a little.
"Are we?" she says, relief washing over her whole body. Oh thank God, oh God, everything's going to be okay.
Ben shrugs. "Rock and a hard place, I guess I choose rock. But maybe next time you could tell me we're getting married before you tell Chris?"
Leslie half-laughs and half-winces. "I'm the worst, I'm sorry."
But Ben's looking at her all affectionately like he doesn't think she's the worst, even with all this, and she wants to kiss him so badly right now. Wait, they're engaged, sort of, and Chris knows, so it's totally not even illicit to kiss him! Right in the depths of City Hall! She grabs him by the lapels and he grins at her and she kisses him wet and dirty. It still feels like they're getting away with something, even though now they're kind of not -- and somehow it also feels like getting away with something to not be getting away with something. Ben's hands land on her waist, pulling her in closer, and by the time they finally break apart, Ben looks a little dazed. His lips are red.
"Um, good," Leslie says, trying to catch her breath. "So that's settled."
"Yeah," Ben says, really softly with his breath warm on her mouth, and then he kisses her again. Once they finally pull back this time, Leslie actually feels light-headed. Ben clears his throat, the tips of his ears red. "Okay, um, we probably better cut it out before Ann comes back."
"Yeah," Leslie says softly, but not moving away, still focused on Ben, until something suddenly occurs to her. "Oh no, Ann! Ann's waiting for me in my office! We have to tell Ann and everybody we're getting married! Before Chris gets to them first -- oh my God, if Chris tells Ann we're getting married before I do, she'll never forgive me."
Ben's gone a little deer-in-headlights again, maybe just at remembering that this is actually happening and Chris knows. "Right," he says weakly. "Telling everybody."
Leslie's hand is still resting on Ben's chest, and she pats him there briskly. "Buck up, soldier," she says. "People in the Parks Department get married all the time."
**
Leslie pauses just outside the Parks Department entrance, takes a deep breath, and tries to remember how the muscles in her face are supposed to feel on a normal day. She knows Ben's right behind her but she reaches back anyway, just to make sure. The little squeeze he gives her fingers is enough to propel her through the doorway, and she bangs her palm on the permits desk to call everyone to attention. Jerry, Donna, and Andy are the only ones who look up.
"Everybody, front and center!" Leslie calls. "Tom and Ann, get out here! April, please get Ron. Ben and I have news. Humongous, earth-shattering, life-altering news."
April turns a page in her magazine. "A giant asteroid hit and destroyed all the cows and pigs in the world and now there's no more steak or bacon?"
Leslie's forehead wrinkles. "What? No!"
"Then Ron's life will probably stay the same," April says, flipping another page.
"Ron!" Leslie barks, stomping across the room and pounding on Ron's door with both hands until Ron gets up from his chair. Ann sits on the edge of April's desk and April pokes her with the butt of her pen until Ann retaliates with a ruler. Ron comes out of his office and leans against the doorjamb, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
"What's the ruckus?" Ron asks evenly, and Leslie's stomach flips over. Telling Chris was one thing, but telling their actual friends feels very different, kind of almost vaguely in the same ballpark as lying. But it's not a lie if the wedding is actually going to happen, right?
She shoots a look over her shoulder at Ben and he gives her a faint nod, so, well, all right, then, here they go.
"Valued colleagues," Leslie says, as grandly as she can muster, turning a half-circle with her arm outstretched so everyone feels included. "Beloved friends. Ben and I have gathered you here today--"
"We were here already," Donna says. "Doing our work?"
"Because," Leslie continues, "we wanted you to be the very first to know, except for Chris, that we are getting married. To each other. Ben and I."
Leslie was expecting a volley of passionate reactions but she's met with stunned silence instead. That doesn't stop the volume and pitch of her voice from increasing exponentially.
"Ben and I, as it turns out, have been seeing each other. For some time. And this is a decision that we made together, after a lot of very serious thinking and weighing of various consequences, and it's going to happen. Ergo, if anyone should ask you, henceforth, if Ben and I are engaged, you should feel free to tell them that we are. And that we have been completely straightforward and direct about informing you. And that it has had no detrimental effect on our work performance or Ben's supervision of the Parks Department, or anything remotely of that nature. And also that you are one hundred percent supportive of our relationship, and, really, any personal decisions we might happen to make, jointly or separately. And also that you're super psyched for our awesome wedding, which you should be, because it's going to be fantastic, I mean really, just, pulling out all the stops, no-holds-barred sensational. Any questions? No? All right, in that case, Ben, I think we should probably just--"
"Wait, what the hell?!" Tom hollers. "Since when are you guys even dating?!"
"Yeah, Leslie," April says, leaning back in her chair. "Marriage is a totally serious and sacred thing that no one should ever rush into, right?"
Leslie's gaze darts around the room from face to bewildered face, then she scoots over to Ben's side and grabs his hand nervously. "We've been dating long enough to know that is something we really want to do. I know I've maybe been a tiny bit hasty with relationship advice in the past, but now I see how happy you two are," she says, gesturing toward April, whose mouth twists into a begrudging smile, and Andy, who's been beaming the whole time, "and Ben and I just want that same chance."
"Well, I think it's fantastic!" Ann says, breaking out in a huge smile and launching herself toward Leslie. Leslie clings to her with all her strength, then after Ann gives Ben a sisterly punch on the arm, Leslie hugs her desperately again. "I'm so, so happy for both of you. Leslie, please tell me I can throw you, like, a million parties!"
"Hear, hear," Ron says, nodding his approval. "Except for the party-planning, in which I will obviously not be participating."
"Hold up," Donna says, rising from her desk. "Listen, Ben, I didn't ever want to bring this up while you were in the room, but a month ago you were bawling your eyes out in the middle of the Eagleton Plaza because your ex stomped your nerdy little heart all to hell. Leslie, girl, you know I want the best for you, but a rebound engagement does no one any good."
"You cried?" Leslie asks softly, turning toward Ben and blinking in surprise.
Ben glances at the ceiling and sighs. "I was -- look, it's possible I may have had some ill-advised acupuncture that day which opened up some emotional -- it doesn't matter. Tom, Donna, Leslie was the woman I was talking about at the mall. We had broken up for stupid reasons and obviously I was a wreck without her, but now we're back together and -- and now we're getting married," he says, the corners of his mouth twitching into an anxious grin. "And I know we'd both really appreciate your support. All of you."
Andy leaps to his feet, his jaw set stiffly and his eyes looking a little wet at the edges. "Leslie and Ben, Mouserat would be honored to play at your wedding. What's you guys's song? I promise we will learn it really good, unless it's super hard. Like, Mozart. It's not Mozart, is it?"
"Angel by Sarah McLachlan," Leslie says instantly, then Ben clears his throat. "Except, no," she mumbles, shrugging. "It's, um. Let's Stay Together by Al Green?" Leslie smiles at Ann, whose eyes are totally brimming, then at Ben, who nods and beams.
"Old and boring, but that's okay," Tom says, snapping his fingers and pointing at the two of them. "While Andy's working on that, I'll get started on the bachelor party."
"Oh, no, Tom, that's not--" Ben stammers. "I mean, I have a brother, so you don't have to--"
"Your brother is probably as lame as you are, and I'm not taking that chance, Bentennial Park. Dune on Blu-ray followed by a round of D&D is not a bachelor party, it's a sex funeral."
Ben shoots a terrified look at Leslie, who tries not to laugh. She mentally adds an item to her wedding to-do list -- protect Ben from Tom's bachelor party.
**
Once she finally makes it into her office, Leslie schedules an urgent lunch meeting with William and Elizabeth to break the news about her engagement. JJ's might be not be the most professional and discreet of settings, but if Leslie's political career is about to come to an end, damn it, she's going to want some waffles afterwards.
The look of cockeyed alien puzzlement that crosses both their faces when Ben follows Leslie into the restaurant is shortly overtaken by twin expressions of constrained panic. It's creepy how they do that.
"Leslie," says William, shaking his head. "I don't understand how we're just hearing about this."
"It just happened," Leslie explains, maintaining her best neutral, diplomatic smile. "Ben and I were seeing each other prior to the campaign. At the time I announced my candidacy, we were broken up and I thought it was a non-issue. But we both--" She pauses and glances at Ben and resists the urge to fiddle with the sugar packets. "We've both continued to feel very strongly about each other, and now we want to take it to the next step, in the most aboveboard and appropriate way possible."
"When we asked if there was anything you needed to tell us before we got started," Elizabeth says, a faint line appearing between her eyebrows, "the fact that you were dating a superior official, at a time when he was directly responsible for funding your biggest personal project, was pretty much exactly what we meant."
Leslie's stomach turns over in shame. It's worse than being sent to the principal's office when she was eight, worse than the time her mom found the collection of secret love letters to Walter Mondale hidden under Leslie's pillow. She lied, she cheated, she's a big fat dirty lying cheater, oh, God.
Then Ben's hand covers hers on the table and he says, "I oversaw the financing for the Harvest Festival but I didn't contribute to it, and neither did the taxpayers. The event was funded by corporate sponsors. The records are thorough and transparent and, thanks to Leslie, color-coded for easy reading. If anyone wants to accuse me of bias toward the Parks Department, the worse they could say is that I've been harder on them than any other branch under my supervision. I'm sure Leslie will happily confirm that much," Ben says, squeezing her fingers, cracking a smile. "And as of this morning when we spoke to Chris Traeger, Parks is no longer under my jurisdiction, so there's no possibility of future conflicts."
Oh. Oh, that's right. Oh, thank goodness.
"You're saying all the right things," Elizabeth concedes, "but when Joan Callamezzo gets ahold of this--"
"Joan's come after me plenty of times before," Leslie says. "And Ben, for that matter. We can hold our own."
William glances at Elizabeth, then folds his hands on the table and smiles reservedly at Leslie. "Family values matter to Pawnee voters. Frankly, if your records hold up and there are no more skeletons in the closet, your getting married can only help the campaign."
"We'll need to get your engagement out there as soon as possible," Elizabeth says, flipping open her planner. "Leslie, you have a photo op at the rec center on Friday. Ben, we'll need you standing right beside her. A solid white shirt and a blue or red tie really pop in photographs. Does that sound all right to you?"
"Yeah, that, uh. Sounds great," Ben says, withdrawing his hand from Leslie's slowly. "Really great. Thank you both so much for your understanding. Please excuse me for just a minute. Hon, I'll be right back," he adds, a little showily, touching Leslie's shoulder.
Elizabeth smiles after him, then turns to Leslie enthusiastically. "The two of you really look great together. I agree with William, if we play this right, it could mean a big bump for us."
Leslie smiles and nods, feeling kind of helpless. It's nice to have the whole team on board, but she's not marrying Ben just for a bump. Is it going to look like she's marrying Ben just for a bump?
"Are the two of you planning on raising a family in Pawnee?" Elizabeth continues. "Because that's a talking point we should introduce sooner rather than later."
Leslie opens her mouth but her vocal cords take a second to cooperate. "I -- yeah. We are, yes. Planning on that. I mean, when I have kids, I'm absolutely going to raise them in Pawnee."
"Excellent," says William. "Hearing that you have a personal stake in Pawnee's future is really going to strike a chord with the community." He glances at his Blackberry, then turns to Elizabeth. "We should really get back, we have that--"
"Conference call," Elizabeth supplies, snapping her planner shut. She smiles at Leslie, reaching across the table to grasp her hand. "Congratulations, Leslie. We're so happy for you. Please give Ben our regards, and we'll see you both on Friday!"
Leslie half-rises from her seat, shaking Elizabeth's hand, then William's. "Thank you both so much. Friday, we'll be there!"
A minute or so later, Ben makes his way back to the table, looking around shiftily. "Are they gone?"
Leslie pulls him back down into his seat, then leans into him, and he puts his arm around her obligingly. "You can wear whatever shirt you want to the picture thing. You don't even have to come if you don't want to, I can tell them you have the flu. April can Photoshop you into the pictures, she's really good. Or I could get a cardboard cutout to carry around with me. I know you hate that publicity stuff."
Ben turns his head and when Leslie looks up, he kisses her on the lips, right there in the middle of JJ's. "I'll be there," he says. Then he fumbles in his pocket for a moment. "Hey, I got you something."
Leslie sits up sharply, leaning away until she nearly slips off the other side of her chair. "Oh, no. Last time this ended with you breaking up with me."
"Not this time." Ben holds up a clear plastic bubble and rattling around inside is a tiny ring with a gaudy pink heart. "There's a machine up front. I just thought you should have something, until we figure out the whole engagement ring issue. It's dumb, I know. I just thought it would be, um. Funny, I guess."
It would be really inappropriate to cry over this fake plastic ring that Ben obviously bought as a joke, to celebrate their equally fake engagement, and Leslie has to bite the inside of her lip really hard until she remembers that. "It's, um," she says around the lump in her throat. "Yeah, it's super funny." She takes the bubble from Ben, turns it over in her hands, and cracks it open gently. "It's perfect."
**
On to part 1b
Authors:
tearupthesky and annakovskyFandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Rating: R for sexytimes
Length: 12,300 words in this part
Authors' Notes: Set immediately post-"Smallest Park," 4x08. Wouldn't normally post this as a WIP, but it will no doubt get completely jossed by the next episode and this thing is turning annoyingly epic, so we thought we might as well put it out there while it's still canon compliant. More parts coming soon!
Summary: The one where to avoid a sex scandal they just get married.
**
"I should probably go soon," Ben says reluctantly, tracing patterns on Leslie's bare hip under the comforter with his fingertips. "Andy and April are going to know something's up if I'm out all night."
Leslie shrugs a shoulder and doesn't stop stroking her knuckles back and forth against her favorite spot on Ben's stomach, where his muscles make a tiny groove, just like Ryan Gosling in the magazines. She really missed that spot. "They'll probably just think you're with one of your other girlfriends."
She cackles with delight when Ben groans and pushes her onto her back, climbing on top of her with his brow set in faux sternness, his eyes warm the whole time.
"You know I'm not seeing any other girls," he says. "I'm starting to think maybe there's something you want to tell me."
"About seeing other girls?" Leslie says, her eyes wide and innocent. "Nope."
Then Ben's kissing her again and she closes her eyes tight, grinning helplessly against his stupid, perfect, familiar mouth, almost too ecstatic to even participate. God, just, she wasn't ever going to be allowed to have this again. Ben wasn't going to wait around for her forever, he was going to move away or fall in love with someone else and have a million babies with brown eyes, and then it would have been too late and Leslie never would have gotten to kiss him like this again, and just thinking about a world where that's true makes Leslie start to lose her breath, so she tries to focus on the actual kissing instead. How Ben's mouth always tastes like cinnamon mints. The shy way he kind of curls his tongue to the side instead of shoving it in her mouth all presumptuously. Leslie really, really, really missed kissing Ben.
"Don't go," she says, as soon as the kissing stops. She wriggles out from underneath Ben until they're lying side by side, then she props herself up on her elbow so she's in a position of greater authority. Ben seems very appreciative of the way it pushes her boobs together. Whatever drives her point home. "If we start sneaking around again, we're just going to end up right back where we started. No more lying, no more cover-ups. I think tomorrow morning, we have to just march into Chris's office and--"
"Tomorrow morning?" Ben says, starting to frown. "Leslie..."
Leslie sits up, wrapping the sheets around herself. If he wants to get serious, she will get serious. "If we put it off, we're just digging ourselves a bigger hole."
"Leslie," Ben says again, reaching out for her hand. "I know, I just... tomorrow morning, that could be it. He could fire me, or you, or both of us. He could have me transferred back to Indianapolis. It could just... be it."
Leslie laces their fingers together. "It's only it if we let it be. Chris isn't the king of Indiana, he can't send us to the guillotine. Whatever happens, we'll just deal with it. We'll figure out a way. Look at April and Andy, they made it work."
"But Andy's not April's boss."
"Your pessimism isn't helping anything!" Leslie lets go of Ben's hand and crosses her arms over her chest and Ben leans back, looking down and fiddling with the edge of the pillowcase. She feels bad immediately -- it's not Ben's fault they're in this crappy situation, unless she wants to blame his awful beautiful face, which right now in the soft light of her bedroom doesn't seem totally unreasonable -- but when she opens her mouth to apologize, what comes out is, "April is kind of his boss, though. I mean, she's Ron's assistant and Ron's my boss, so technically she's on a higher rung than my assistant, right? And what if she got promoted? Obviously that's not something she's interested in now, but who knows what April's going to be interested in from one day to the next! Is Chris going to suppress her career just because her husband happens to work in the same building? That's totally unfair!"
"It's different," Ben says cautiously, looking up at Leslie with somber eyes. "They're married. It doesn't open up the government to the same possibility of scandal or harassment suits."
"That's totally unfair," Leslie mumbles again, and Ben laughs ruefully. She slumps down against him and he opens his arms for her. "April and Andy and Kim Kardashian can get married whenever they want and we're not even allowed to date? It's discrimination."
"Against whom?" Ben says, running his hand up the back of her neck and curling her hair around his fingers.
"Against awesome single people who just happen to like each other a lot and want to make out all the time," Leslie mutters against his shoulder.
Ben kisses the top of her head. "Okay," he says, after a deep breath. "Tomorrow morning we'll go to Chris. If he wants to fire someone, he can fire me. I'll go quietly. I'd rather be a CPA who gets to make out with you than a state auditor who doesn't."
Leslie looks up at him and wrinkles her nose. "Come on, you don't want to be an accountant your whole life."
"Accountants can run for office too. I would refer you to Mayor John McCormac of Woodbridge Township, New Jersey."
"Ugh, nerd," she teases, giggling.
"Or if you'd prefer, Mayor Kathy Mulcahy of Orange Village, Ohio."
Leslie bites her lip suddenly. "We'll do whatever it takes, right? You're really with me on this, no matter what?"
"Of course I'm with you," Ben says, reaching down for Leslie's hand again, squeezing it tight.
Leslie squeezes back. "Then we have a big day tomorrow. We should try to get some sleep."
Ben leans in to kiss her goodnight but stops short before their lips touch. "Just to be clear, you're not thinking about assassinating Chris, are you?"
"Whatever it takes, no matter what," Leslie repeats, smiling as she reaches out to turn off the bedside lamp. "Don't get soft on me now, Wyatt."
**
Leslie's heart is already pounding like crazy before they even get to Chris's office the next morning. She almost wishes she were holding Ben's hand, except obviously they can't do that in City Hall and also her palms are really sweaty so that'd probably be gross anyway. Ben might break up with her for real, then.
Except she kind of feels like Ben will never break up with her again, and that makes her start smiling a little, even through the nerves. When Ben stops outside the door, he turns to look at her very seriously, but when he catches the smile he starts smiling back, just for a second before he obviously remembers they're about to tell Chris and he goes serious again. "Leslie," he says. "Really. Are you sure you want to do this? We can't take it back afterwards."
She is so sure, she has never been so sure of anything. She can't stand not being with him anymore. "Yeah," she says. "I'm sure."
Chris beams when they come in the door together, looking up from his computer. "My dream team! Back together again! So good to see you!"
Ben looks a little pained as he shuts the door behind them. "Well," he says, his voice a little lowered like he's scared someone might overhear, even through the shut door. "That's actually what we're here to talk to you about...."
"You're going to work with the Parks Department again?" Chris says. He looks so cheerful. Somehow it makes it so much harder to tell him things he doesn't want to hear.
"No," Ben says. "Well, maybe. But that's not -- um, what I'm trying to say is, what we actually came in here about is -- we just need to tell you that we're, um... well, we're dating."
Chris blinks at them for a long second, his bright smile fading slowly. "You're what?" he says.
"Dating," Leslie says. "We know it's against the rules, but we want to be aboveboard, and wanted to talk to you about our options..."
Chris is actually frowning now. Leslie has hardly ever seen him frown like that, except the time he caught her kissing Tom. "But that's a huge ethical violation," Chris says. "This is unacceptable. Ben's your boss --"
"Well, technically," Ben says, interrupting him. "But isn't there some way we could transfer one of us to a different -- I mean, if I didn't work with Parks at all, like we were talking about, that wouldn't be a conflict of interest, would it?"
"Ben," Chris says, turning on him like he's personally hurt Ben would even try to argue this. "You of all people know this is a scandal waiting to happen, especially with Leslie running for office. The assistant city manager having a sexual relationship with one of his subordinates is something the press would have a field day--"
Leslie can feel herself panicking a little more with every word Chris says. Ben's going to get fired in a second if he doesn't back down, and she and Ben already agreed they'd do anything to make this work so Ben's not going to back down, and crap, he's going to get fired for her! That's unacceptable! There has to be another way, and then somehow she's thinking about April and Andy, about how married people don't risk a scandal.
"What if we were married?" Leslie blurts out before she's had time to think anything through, the second the thought comes into her head. Both Ben and Chris swivel their heads around to look at her, equally shocked. Her hands are shaking. She tries to make her voice a little more calm and less shout-y. "I mean, hypothetically, what if we were getting married?"
There's a beat, the longest few seconds of Leslie's life. Then Chris's giant smile comes out again, the one that's like sunshine. "A wedding? But this is joyous news!"
Wait, no, Leslie did not actually say they were getting married -- she was honestly just asking for information, if that would be a way to dodge the rule. But with Chris looking so happy, all thoughts of firing Ben obviously put out of his head, well....
"But why didn't you say so?" Chris says. "You're engaged? You sly dog!" He claps Ben on the back. Ben looks like he's about to choke on his own tongue, and oh God, if he tells Chris they're not engaged and somehow gets himself fired after all, when she's trying to save him, Leslie's going to kill him. She glares at him hard, willing him to see that this is the solution they've been looking for -- look at Chris, he's so pleased! Don't blow this, Ben! Crap, in a second Chris is going to notice that she doesn't have a ring or anything. "We're, um," Ben says. "Well, we're...."
"I mean," Leslie jumps in fast, seeing that Ben's stammering over his words, about to go into his media-meltdown word-vomit mode. "We're still sorting out details, so we don't have a ring or anything yet. We're both very concerned about ethical mining, and it's so hard to find a fair trade jeweler. The diamond industry really -- did you see Blood Diamond?"
"Oh, of course," Chris says. "That is a very important issue, Leslie."
"I know," Leslie says. "So we're looking into alternatives, and it's taking some time, especially with all the other planning for the, um." She sneaks a glance at Ben, who has the weirdest look on his face. "For the, um, the wedding."
Chris is nodding along, obviously completely on board. "I'm so glad you and Ben here are being so responsible. We all have an obligation to be as ethical as we can -- but of course I'd expect no less from my dream team!"
Chris still has his arm around Ben's shoulders, and he shakes him a little bit, friendly and excited. Ben looks dazed, like he doesn't know what's happening to him or maybe like someone's punched him in the stomach, and God, Leslie can't believe she just told Chris they're getting married. Crap. She needs to be better at thinking things through before she jumps in with both feet. Well, they're in it now, but they'll figure it out -- Leslie has every confidence they'll figure it out.
"Absolutely," Leslie says. You just have to commit to it when you get yourself into this stuff -- second-guessing just hurts you. She's learned that at a thousand community forums. "But the wedding's coming up fast, just next month -- we're going to get married in Harvey James Park. It's Pawnee's nicest park, you know, I've wanted to get married there since I was a little girl, and so you really don't need to worry about a scandal, because we'll be married before you know it!" Just, it is very important that Chris knows that they are totally engaged for real, and they're getting married for real, and that this is not at all a fake marriage to get around the stupid dating rule, so he does not need to fire anybody. And somehow before she knows it she's telling him all about the flowers they're going to have, and the very romantic way Ben proposed, and she's only vaguely aware of what she's even saying or how to bring it to a close, like her mouth is on a roll her brain did not sign on for. When she gets cornered she really does not do her best thinking, oh God, Knope, wrap it up! "So, um," she says, after something about a rainbow -- oh God, what is she saying? "So we're engaged! So... that's what we wanted to tell you!"
Ben is staring at her like she's lost her marbles, but Chris is still beaming. "Well," Chris says. "I just couldn't be happier for you two. Of course we'll have to take Ben off the Parks Department accounts, but you being married should mitigate any further scandal, so I'm not worried in the least. Congratulations, Ben! I've been wanting you to find someone for a long time, and you and Leslie are a perfect match, buddy, well done."
Ben... does not actually look like he's capable of speech right at the moment. "Thank -- thank you," Leslie says to fill in the silence. God, she just wants this meeting over with, and she's pretty sure Ben is kind of glaring at her, and oh boy.
**
Out in the hallway, Ben seems to have recovered more of his faculties. "Leslie," he hisses, grabbing her wrist as soon as Chris's door is shut behind them. "What the hell was that?"
"Shh!" Leslie says, looking around. No one is that close to them, but they are in a public hallway and government employees are milling around everywhere.
Ben is rubbing his forehead the way he does before he really loses his temper at her, and Leslie feels herself wincing a little bit already. Yeah, okay, yeah, telling Chris they were getting married was a stupid thing to do and may have been a little over the line, but Ben said he was on board for whatever they had to do to make this work! It's not steamrollering when someone agrees to that ahead of time! Anyway, she was just desperate to save his job, doesn't he appreciate that?
"Leslie," Ben starts, but then he looks around the hallway too, and realizes that people are too close. "Okay, come with me," he says, letting go of her wrist, and starts stalking down the hallway so fast that Leslie has to almost run to keep up.
Ben leads them right to Ann's office, slamming the door open without even knocking -- luckily the office is empty -- and then slamming the door shut again as soon as Leslie's inside. "Gosh," Ben says in his most sarcastic voice, the voice that always puts Leslie's back up. "I don't remember proposing to you with doves. I sound very romantic, though."
"I'm sorry!" Leslie says. "I didn't mean to say all that, but did you see Chris's face before I brought up the marriage thing? He was going to fire you! Or make us break up! I don't want you to get fired!"
"So you decided to tell Chris we were getting married?!" Ben says, raising his voice a little. "Without, I don't know, running it by me first?"
"It's not like I planned that!" Leslie says. "Anyway, you said you'd do anything to make this work!"
Ben throws his hands up, his mouth opening and closing like he doesn't even know where to start with that. "Jesus, I didn't mean that you should say we were going to have, what, lilies at our wedding in Harvey James Park!"
Okay, yes, okay, that was a little much, but c'mon! "Chris was going to figure out it wasn't for real if there weren't any details!" Leslie says. "I had to make it believable."
"Oh, the double rainbow at the proposal was very believable, Leslie." Ugh, she hates when he gets that tone. Also, crap, did she really say there was a double rainbow? No wonder Ben is glaring at her so hard. "What the hell were you thinking?"
But God, it's not like he was coming up with any brilliant solutions back there, so it's a bit much for him to get all mad at her when he was basically dead-weight in that meeting. It's not like this has to be a huge thing! "Ugh, why are you freaking out over nothing? People in the Parks Department get married all the time -- April and Andy got married after they'd been dating for like three weeks! Ron got married, arrested, and divorced all in one day! Tom had an actual green card marriage!"
Ben is staring at her like he is just now realizing he lives in an asylum. "Um, okay, I think maybe your department has a problem."
Leslie is feeling a little hysterical by now -- just, this really can work, why is he not even giving it a chance? Does he want to break up, or ruin their careers?! "It's just a piece of paper! If it doesn't work out we can just get divorced, I don't see why you're making into a big deal! We can draw up a pre-nup if you're going to be a big baby about everything!"
Ben runs a hand through his hair. "Jesus, Leslie," he says, and at least he sounds less mad now. He actually sounds more bewildered than anything. "Now we're talking about actually going through with this? It's not about, God, pre-nups, it's just -- getting married is a big deal."
"But why?!" Leslie says, all overheated and upset and feeling like she's on the verge of tears. "It's just one quick ceremony and then we can keep dating and nobody will care, nothing has to change, we can keep seeing each other and working together and..." she trails off for a second, swallowing. Her voice is really shaky. "And just, you know... also we'd be married." Suddenly she's thinking about it, about being married to Ben and him being her husband and... God, that's just... she can feel herself starting to smile a little bit, just thinking about it, because it's just, it's nice.
Ben's face softens like the idea is getting to him too, like maybe he's thought about it before too, and he starts smiling back at her just a little, like he likes her a lot even when he's furious at her, and then they're just standing there smiling at each other and even though everything is such a mess Leslie feels stupidly happy. She can't believe they're back together after those months of being miserable, can't believe that she woke up with him this morning.
After a second Ben says, still soft, not mad anymore but serious, trying to bring her back down to earth, "Leslie."
"I know," Leslie says. "I know, it was a stupid thing to tell Chris. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that. But... I did."
Ben sighs and rubs his forehead. "Well, look, we just have to...." But he trails off, obviously not thinking of a good solution either.
"Okay, well... okay, here's the way I look at it," Leslie says. "We have two options now. We can either go back down to Chris's office and tell him that I was lying and we're not engaged, and we can get in big trouble and he can fire one of us, or..."
"Or we can actually get married?" Ben says, that dubious tone back in his voice, like this is completely unreasonable option.
"I didn't say they were good options!" Leslie says. "But look, really, what's so crazy about getting married? It'd just be, like, a cover! Like Tom's green card marriage, except we'd, you know, actually be making out with each other and not just secretly in love with our green card wife and not telling her how we feel."
Ben blinks a few times. "Okay, seriously, what was the deal with Tom's green card marriage?"
"It's not important! Would you focus?" Leslie says.
"Geez, okay," Ben says. "I just don't think that marriage -- I mean, look, if we just talk to Chris, he can put me on a different department and --"
"Ben, Chris was not okay with that," Leslie says. "You heard him, it was a huge ethical violation! If we tell him we're not getting married you're going to have to quit or we're going to have to break up. I know it's crazy, but honestly, it solves everything!"
Ben pinches the bridge of his nose like a headache's coming on, and just, it's an actual solution. If he gets on board with it, everything will be fine. "Come on, Ben," she says, smiling at him a little, teasing. "Do I have to get down on one knee here?"
He lets out a little amused breath and looks at her, shaking his head like he can't believe she exists. "Leslie," he says again, and then he rolls his eyes. "Oh, all right, fine. I guess we're going to get married." He says it all put-upon, like he's giving in, but he's smiling a little.
"Are we?" she says, relief washing over her whole body. Oh thank God, oh God, everything's going to be okay.
Ben shrugs. "Rock and a hard place, I guess I choose rock. But maybe next time you could tell me we're getting married before you tell Chris?"
Leslie half-laughs and half-winces. "I'm the worst, I'm sorry."
But Ben's looking at her all affectionately like he doesn't think she's the worst, even with all this, and she wants to kiss him so badly right now. Wait, they're engaged, sort of, and Chris knows, so it's totally not even illicit to kiss him! Right in the depths of City Hall! She grabs him by the lapels and he grins at her and she kisses him wet and dirty. It still feels like they're getting away with something, even though now they're kind of not -- and somehow it also feels like getting away with something to not be getting away with something. Ben's hands land on her waist, pulling her in closer, and by the time they finally break apart, Ben looks a little dazed. His lips are red.
"Um, good," Leslie says, trying to catch her breath. "So that's settled."
"Yeah," Ben says, really softly with his breath warm on her mouth, and then he kisses her again. Once they finally pull back this time, Leslie actually feels light-headed. Ben clears his throat, the tips of his ears red. "Okay, um, we probably better cut it out before Ann comes back."
"Yeah," Leslie says softly, but not moving away, still focused on Ben, until something suddenly occurs to her. "Oh no, Ann! Ann's waiting for me in my office! We have to tell Ann and everybody we're getting married! Before Chris gets to them first -- oh my God, if Chris tells Ann we're getting married before I do, she'll never forgive me."
Ben's gone a little deer-in-headlights again, maybe just at remembering that this is actually happening and Chris knows. "Right," he says weakly. "Telling everybody."
Leslie's hand is still resting on Ben's chest, and she pats him there briskly. "Buck up, soldier," she says. "People in the Parks Department get married all the time."
**
Leslie pauses just outside the Parks Department entrance, takes a deep breath, and tries to remember how the muscles in her face are supposed to feel on a normal day. She knows Ben's right behind her but she reaches back anyway, just to make sure. The little squeeze he gives her fingers is enough to propel her through the doorway, and she bangs her palm on the permits desk to call everyone to attention. Jerry, Donna, and Andy are the only ones who look up.
"Everybody, front and center!" Leslie calls. "Tom and Ann, get out here! April, please get Ron. Ben and I have news. Humongous, earth-shattering, life-altering news."
April turns a page in her magazine. "A giant asteroid hit and destroyed all the cows and pigs in the world and now there's no more steak or bacon?"
Leslie's forehead wrinkles. "What? No!"
"Then Ron's life will probably stay the same," April says, flipping another page.
"Ron!" Leslie barks, stomping across the room and pounding on Ron's door with both hands until Ron gets up from his chair. Ann sits on the edge of April's desk and April pokes her with the butt of her pen until Ann retaliates with a ruler. Ron comes out of his office and leans against the doorjamb, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
"What's the ruckus?" Ron asks evenly, and Leslie's stomach flips over. Telling Chris was one thing, but telling their actual friends feels very different, kind of almost vaguely in the same ballpark as lying. But it's not a lie if the wedding is actually going to happen, right?
She shoots a look over her shoulder at Ben and he gives her a faint nod, so, well, all right, then, here they go.
"Valued colleagues," Leslie says, as grandly as she can muster, turning a half-circle with her arm outstretched so everyone feels included. "Beloved friends. Ben and I have gathered you here today--"
"We were here already," Donna says. "Doing our work?"
"Because," Leslie continues, "we wanted you to be the very first to know, except for Chris, that we are getting married. To each other. Ben and I."
Leslie was expecting a volley of passionate reactions but she's met with stunned silence instead. That doesn't stop the volume and pitch of her voice from increasing exponentially.
"Ben and I, as it turns out, have been seeing each other. For some time. And this is a decision that we made together, after a lot of very serious thinking and weighing of various consequences, and it's going to happen. Ergo, if anyone should ask you, henceforth, if Ben and I are engaged, you should feel free to tell them that we are. And that we have been completely straightforward and direct about informing you. And that it has had no detrimental effect on our work performance or Ben's supervision of the Parks Department, or anything remotely of that nature. And also that you are one hundred percent supportive of our relationship, and, really, any personal decisions we might happen to make, jointly or separately. And also that you're super psyched for our awesome wedding, which you should be, because it's going to be fantastic, I mean really, just, pulling out all the stops, no-holds-barred sensational. Any questions? No? All right, in that case, Ben, I think we should probably just--"
"Wait, what the hell?!" Tom hollers. "Since when are you guys even dating?!"
"Yeah, Leslie," April says, leaning back in her chair. "Marriage is a totally serious and sacred thing that no one should ever rush into, right?"
Leslie's gaze darts around the room from face to bewildered face, then she scoots over to Ben's side and grabs his hand nervously. "We've been dating long enough to know that is something we really want to do. I know I've maybe been a tiny bit hasty with relationship advice in the past, but now I see how happy you two are," she says, gesturing toward April, whose mouth twists into a begrudging smile, and Andy, who's been beaming the whole time, "and Ben and I just want that same chance."
"Well, I think it's fantastic!" Ann says, breaking out in a huge smile and launching herself toward Leslie. Leslie clings to her with all her strength, then after Ann gives Ben a sisterly punch on the arm, Leslie hugs her desperately again. "I'm so, so happy for both of you. Leslie, please tell me I can throw you, like, a million parties!"
"Hear, hear," Ron says, nodding his approval. "Except for the party-planning, in which I will obviously not be participating."
"Hold up," Donna says, rising from her desk. "Listen, Ben, I didn't ever want to bring this up while you were in the room, but a month ago you were bawling your eyes out in the middle of the Eagleton Plaza because your ex stomped your nerdy little heart all to hell. Leslie, girl, you know I want the best for you, but a rebound engagement does no one any good."
"You cried?" Leslie asks softly, turning toward Ben and blinking in surprise.
Ben glances at the ceiling and sighs. "I was -- look, it's possible I may have had some ill-advised acupuncture that day which opened up some emotional -- it doesn't matter. Tom, Donna, Leslie was the woman I was talking about at the mall. We had broken up for stupid reasons and obviously I was a wreck without her, but now we're back together and -- and now we're getting married," he says, the corners of his mouth twitching into an anxious grin. "And I know we'd both really appreciate your support. All of you."
Andy leaps to his feet, his jaw set stiffly and his eyes looking a little wet at the edges. "Leslie and Ben, Mouserat would be honored to play at your wedding. What's you guys's song? I promise we will learn it really good, unless it's super hard. Like, Mozart. It's not Mozart, is it?"
"Angel by Sarah McLachlan," Leslie says instantly, then Ben clears his throat. "Except, no," she mumbles, shrugging. "It's, um. Let's Stay Together by Al Green?" Leslie smiles at Ann, whose eyes are totally brimming, then at Ben, who nods and beams.
"Old and boring, but that's okay," Tom says, snapping his fingers and pointing at the two of them. "While Andy's working on that, I'll get started on the bachelor party."
"Oh, no, Tom, that's not--" Ben stammers. "I mean, I have a brother, so you don't have to--"
"Your brother is probably as lame as you are, and I'm not taking that chance, Bentennial Park. Dune on Blu-ray followed by a round of D&D is not a bachelor party, it's a sex funeral."
Ben shoots a terrified look at Leslie, who tries not to laugh. She mentally adds an item to her wedding to-do list -- protect Ben from Tom's bachelor party.
**
Once she finally makes it into her office, Leslie schedules an urgent lunch meeting with William and Elizabeth to break the news about her engagement. JJ's might be not be the most professional and discreet of settings, but if Leslie's political career is about to come to an end, damn it, she's going to want some waffles afterwards.
The look of cockeyed alien puzzlement that crosses both their faces when Ben follows Leslie into the restaurant is shortly overtaken by twin expressions of constrained panic. It's creepy how they do that.
"Leslie," says William, shaking his head. "I don't understand how we're just hearing about this."
"It just happened," Leslie explains, maintaining her best neutral, diplomatic smile. "Ben and I were seeing each other prior to the campaign. At the time I announced my candidacy, we were broken up and I thought it was a non-issue. But we both--" She pauses and glances at Ben and resists the urge to fiddle with the sugar packets. "We've both continued to feel very strongly about each other, and now we want to take it to the next step, in the most aboveboard and appropriate way possible."
"When we asked if there was anything you needed to tell us before we got started," Elizabeth says, a faint line appearing between her eyebrows, "the fact that you were dating a superior official, at a time when he was directly responsible for funding your biggest personal project, was pretty much exactly what we meant."
Leslie's stomach turns over in shame. It's worse than being sent to the principal's office when she was eight, worse than the time her mom found the collection of secret love letters to Walter Mondale hidden under Leslie's pillow. She lied, she cheated, she's a big fat dirty lying cheater, oh, God.
Then Ben's hand covers hers on the table and he says, "I oversaw the financing for the Harvest Festival but I didn't contribute to it, and neither did the taxpayers. The event was funded by corporate sponsors. The records are thorough and transparent and, thanks to Leslie, color-coded for easy reading. If anyone wants to accuse me of bias toward the Parks Department, the worse they could say is that I've been harder on them than any other branch under my supervision. I'm sure Leslie will happily confirm that much," Ben says, squeezing her fingers, cracking a smile. "And as of this morning when we spoke to Chris Traeger, Parks is no longer under my jurisdiction, so there's no possibility of future conflicts."
Oh. Oh, that's right. Oh, thank goodness.
"You're saying all the right things," Elizabeth concedes, "but when Joan Callamezzo gets ahold of this--"
"Joan's come after me plenty of times before," Leslie says. "And Ben, for that matter. We can hold our own."
William glances at Elizabeth, then folds his hands on the table and smiles reservedly at Leslie. "Family values matter to Pawnee voters. Frankly, if your records hold up and there are no more skeletons in the closet, your getting married can only help the campaign."
"We'll need to get your engagement out there as soon as possible," Elizabeth says, flipping open her planner. "Leslie, you have a photo op at the rec center on Friday. Ben, we'll need you standing right beside her. A solid white shirt and a blue or red tie really pop in photographs. Does that sound all right to you?"
"Yeah, that, uh. Sounds great," Ben says, withdrawing his hand from Leslie's slowly. "Really great. Thank you both so much for your understanding. Please excuse me for just a minute. Hon, I'll be right back," he adds, a little showily, touching Leslie's shoulder.
Elizabeth smiles after him, then turns to Leslie enthusiastically. "The two of you really look great together. I agree with William, if we play this right, it could mean a big bump for us."
Leslie smiles and nods, feeling kind of helpless. It's nice to have the whole team on board, but she's not marrying Ben just for a bump. Is it going to look like she's marrying Ben just for a bump?
"Are the two of you planning on raising a family in Pawnee?" Elizabeth continues. "Because that's a talking point we should introduce sooner rather than later."
Leslie opens her mouth but her vocal cords take a second to cooperate. "I -- yeah. We are, yes. Planning on that. I mean, when I have kids, I'm absolutely going to raise them in Pawnee."
"Excellent," says William. "Hearing that you have a personal stake in Pawnee's future is really going to strike a chord with the community." He glances at his Blackberry, then turns to Elizabeth. "We should really get back, we have that--"
"Conference call," Elizabeth supplies, snapping her planner shut. She smiles at Leslie, reaching across the table to grasp her hand. "Congratulations, Leslie. We're so happy for you. Please give Ben our regards, and we'll see you both on Friday!"
Leslie half-rises from her seat, shaking Elizabeth's hand, then William's. "Thank you both so much. Friday, we'll be there!"
A minute or so later, Ben makes his way back to the table, looking around shiftily. "Are they gone?"
Leslie pulls him back down into his seat, then leans into him, and he puts his arm around her obligingly. "You can wear whatever shirt you want to the picture thing. You don't even have to come if you don't want to, I can tell them you have the flu. April can Photoshop you into the pictures, she's really good. Or I could get a cardboard cutout to carry around with me. I know you hate that publicity stuff."
Ben turns his head and when Leslie looks up, he kisses her on the lips, right there in the middle of JJ's. "I'll be there," he says. Then he fumbles in his pocket for a moment. "Hey, I got you something."
Leslie sits up sharply, leaning away until she nearly slips off the other side of her chair. "Oh, no. Last time this ended with you breaking up with me."
"Not this time." Ben holds up a clear plastic bubble and rattling around inside is a tiny ring with a gaudy pink heart. "There's a machine up front. I just thought you should have something, until we figure out the whole engagement ring issue. It's dumb, I know. I just thought it would be, um. Funny, I guess."
It would be really inappropriate to cry over this fake plastic ring that Ben obviously bought as a joke, to celebrate their equally fake engagement, and Leslie has to bite the inside of her lip really hard until she remembers that. "It's, um," she says around the lump in her throat. "Yeah, it's super funny." She takes the bubble from Ben, turns it over in her hands, and cracks it open gently. "It's perfect."
**
On to part 1b
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LOL. Lit-rally. Out loud.
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And if I ever got married, I'd want my first dance to be to "Let's Stay Together" (even before Road Trip!), so I heartily approve of that choice. But oh, all this talk of "fake marriage" has me worried.
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Oh, Tom! That's perfect!
Off to read more :)
btw, I LOVE the gumball machine fake plastic ring ♥
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And this story is funny. So funny! It has the perfect amount of haha humor and Parks heart.
I am super on board this story train. Can't wait to read the next part!
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UGH FAVORITE X1000000.
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-01 02:38 am (UTC)(link)The records are thorough and transparent and, thanks to Leslie, color-coded for easy reading.
I loved this little bit. Great attention to detail and staying true to the tone of the show :)
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*nods solemnly* It truly is. And that is the best Tom Haverford I have ever imagined. You are a freaking genius.
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"We were here already," Donna says. "Doing our work?"
Good line from Donna.
"You cried?" Leslie asks softly, turning toward Ben and blinking in surprise.
Aw.
And then I just loved Leslie's rambling announcement. Reminds me of her a lot in Camping.
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