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annakovsky) wrote2005-05-10 06:42 pm
annakovsky) wrote2005-05-10 06:42 pm
Entry tags:
Eleison (Elliot/Olivia, NC-17)
So Sloane was like, "Hey, wanna go to hell later?" and I was like, "DO I EVER," and she was like, "Catholic priest AU," and I was all, "OMG YOU ARE SICK, I WILL HAVE IT TO YOU BY FIVE." Also, she says that I should mention that she demanded a happy ending, so that when you get there you won't think my journal's been highjacked by some imposter.
Also, this is not even sacriligious, because I had an attack of conscience, so the hell thing doesn't even really apply. At least no more than usual.
Eleison
***
Olivia knows that Bishop Cragen was the one who pushed for her to be brought in as principal of Sacred Heart Academy. He's right, she's good at her job, but she worries a little bit about how the rest of the school will take it.
She doesn't meet the headmaster until her first day. Father Elliot Stabler. He's friendlier than she expects, his handshake warm and firm.
He's young. Well, her age. He shows her around the school and says hello by name to the students they pass.
Her office is between his and the counselor's, and when he leaves her there, she sits at her desk and stares into space for a few minutes. He is better looking than a priest has a right to be. This strikes her as unfair, though she's not sure why.
***
She must be fitting in all right, because on Thursday night they invite her down to the bar with them, their regular night at O'Malley's. Father Elliot and Monique Jeffries, the counselor, and Bishop Cragen and two men Olivia's never seen before.
Father Elliot puts his hand on her shoulder as he introduces her around, and she sees the men exchange a glance. "Olivia Benson, this is John Munch, our local rabbi, and Odafin Tutuola, our Baptist preacher." He keeps his hand on her shoulder as she shakes hands, like he's forgotten it's there.
"Pleasure," Munch says, looking over his glasses.
Olivia takes a seat as Father Elliot goes to get them a round. "Well, this is very ecumenical," she says.
"It's the start of a bad joke," Munch says. "We walk into a bar, and...."
Fin interrupts with a groan. "Please don't."
"What?" Munch says, and Fin glares at him.
Father Cragen steps in quickly, like it's a habit, turning to her to change the subject. "Olivia, how's your first week going?"
"Fine," she says. "It's a good school."
Father Elliot comes back with the drinks, and pulls up a chair so he's next to her. There's too many of them around the table, and his knee brushes hers. Neither of them moves away.
***
In the morning, she looks up from paperwork to see him leaning against the doorway watching her, a mug in his hand.
"Father Elliot," she says, surprised. "Hi."
"You want coffee?" he asks, and holds out the mug.
"Oh," she says. "Sure. Thanks."
He walks over and sets it on her desk, then looks at her with a little smile. "You can just call me Elliot, you know. You don't have to say 'Father' every time."
She nods slowly and focuses on the coffee. He'd brought her some sugar packets, and she rips one open carefully. "Okay," she says. "Elliot."
"I'm sitting in on Mary's class second period," he says. "If you need me."
"Great," she says, and watches him as he walks out.
From the crucifix on the opposite wall of her office, Jesus seems to be giving her a disapproving look. She doesn't blame him.
***
A month into the semester, she's in the main office chatting with the secretary during the class change between fifth and sixth periods when there's a commotion down the hall - some panicked sounding screaming, like someone's being murdered. She immediately takes off running for the source, pushing her way through terrified 15-year-olds to finally see Elliot wrestling Kenny Harrison. Who is holding a gun straight up above his head.
Her stomach drops, but she immediately dives in to help, grabs Kenny's arm and together they get the gun away from him.
Kenny's crying and Elliot's holding his arms in a tight grip behind him, and Olivia's got the gun and it's heavier than she thought a gun would be.
Everywhere the students are in an uproar, and she hopes someone's called the cops already, and where is security?
"Okay, people," she shouts. "I want everyone in their classrooms NOW. Everything's okay, it's under control, but you all need to get out of the hallway."
She starts herding them along, and Elliot's muscling Kenny back towards the office. Kenny's still sobbing and Olivia hears Elliot murmuring to him as they pass her. "Okay, Kenny, shhh, calm down, it's okay."
The rest of the day is all police reports and calling Kenny's parents and reassuring kids and calming the place down and she is running on adrenaline all through it.
It's not until four, when everything's been taken care of and Kenny's been expelled (zero tolerance policy) and the kids have long gone home, that she finds herself alone in her office and suddenly shaky. She sits unsteadily in her chair and leans her head back, staring at the ceiling. Without warning she is envisioning all the ways things could've gone wrong - Kenny shooting a kid in the hallway, or himself, and blood everywhere, and her school hallway a crime scene. She can't stop shaking.
"You okay?" Elliot asks from the doorway.
She takes a deep breath and sits up straight. "Yeah," she says, on an exhale. "You?"
He shrugs ruefully. "It's hitting me now."
"Yeah," she says. "That... it could've been bad."
He slouches into a chair to the side of her desk. "Yeah," he says, looking into space.
"You were great, though," she says, and he smiles with half his mouth.
"No, *you* were great. I was terrified. Thought I was going to soil myself."
She laughs. "Me too."
"That kid," he says. "Getting picked on. Just trying to scare the other guys into leaving him alone."
"I know," she says. "I've talked to them a hundred times. Detention, suspension...."
"I know you have," Elliot says.
She sighs. "What a world, huh? Sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do to make things better for these kids. This job...." She trails off.
Elliot twists his mouth. "Guess it could be worse."
"Oh yeah?"
"We could be social workers. Or, God forbid, cops."
She laughs. "Yeah."
***
There's a knock at the door to her office and when she looks up, she's surprised to see Brian standing there, a goofy smile on his face. "Is Principal Benson here? I got sent to her office for discipline."
She rolls her eyes at him and he comes in, smirking. "What are you doing here?" she asks as she stands up.
"What, a guy can't surprise his girlfriend at work?" He leans in to kiss her hello, and it gets a little more long and involved than usual.
Elliot's voice comes from outside. "Hey, Liv, do you... oh, excuse me," he says as he walks in the door and sees them. Olivia jumps back as though she's a high schooler caught making out under the bleachers, blushing furiously. Which is ridiculous.
Elliot, standing in the doorway, seems at a loss. He has a strange expression on his face and doesn't appear to know what to do with his hands.
Brian looks back and forth between them. "Er... hi," he says finally. "I'm Brian Cassidy."
Olivia comes back to herself suddenly. "I'm sorry, Brian, this is Father Elliot Stabler, our headmaster. Elliot, this is my, er. Friend. Brian."
"Nice to meet you," Elliot says, subdued, as they shake hands.
"Likewise," Brian says. Turning to Olivia, he says, "So you wanna get lunch?"
"Sure," she says, and gathers up her things. When she looks up again, Elliot's gone, and all through lunch, she keeps thinking about the look on his face when he saw them kissing, trying to think of an adjective that describes it.
Stricken, she thinks briefly, before dismissing it. He's a priest. He wasn't stricken.
Well. She was going to break up with Brian anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with that.
***
When Elliot does the Mass he is absolutely sober, serious, quiet. He looks strong and trustworthy and holy and far away, his movements sure and focused.
After they say the Lord's Prayer all together, he continues with the liturgy alone, as is usual. But this time when he says, "In your mercy keep us free from sin," his eyes settle on Olivia, just for a moment. Then they move on as though he didn't even recognize her.
She watches him bless the elements and wonders what the hell she's doing.
***
She gets to O'Malley's at the same time as Munch and Fin, and as Fin opens the door for her, Munch says, "Okay, so a Baptist, a Rabbi and a Catholic walk into a bar."
"Does the Baptist kill the Rabbi?" Fin asks.
"No," Munch says. "He buys him a drink."
"That *is* a funny joke," Fin says, and Olivia laughs. They grab a table.
"So where's your worse half?" Munch asks her. "The set-up works better with a priest."
Olivia is suddenly busy with her napkin. "Elliot? I'm not sure."
"Hmmm," Munch says, and when she looks up, he and Fin are glancing at each other.
Elliot never does show. She pretends it doesn't bother her.
***
In the second semester, she finally calls Bishop Cragen's office and gets an appointment to meet with him. It takes her three days to get up the nerve to call, and once she's made the appointment, she picks up the phone four times to cancel it. She never gets farther than two digits into the phone number before she hangs up, though.
When she finally meets with him, she asks for a transfer to another parish.
Cragen looks at her levelly for a few minutes, and she doesn't meet his eyes. He doesn't seem surprised. "And why's that?" he finally asks, his tone quiet.
"I... um," she starts. "Just feel that another place might be better. For me. Personally."
He sits back in his chair, still looking at her quietly. "Is there a problem with the staff? What?"
"No," she says quickly, and then bites the inside of her lip. "Well. Not a problem." She can feel herself starting to blush and she stares at his desk.
"I see," Cragen says. "Elliot?"
She nods, and when she looks up, Cragen is looking at her compassionately.
"I wondered," he starts, and then stops. "I should've been more careful. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she says.
"Do you really think a transfer is necessary?" Cragen asks, and she nods. There is a statue of St. Jude against the wall behind him. Lost causes, she thinks. Ironic.
"All right," Cragen says finally. "I'll see what I can do." As she gets up to leave, he adds, "Do you want me to tell Elliot?"
She stops and then slowly turns. "I... yeah. Thank you." She hurries out before she can change her mind.
***
She almost tells Elliot herself. He's not in his office, and she actually goes around the whole school looking for him. She finally finds him in the chapel, sitting in the second pew with his head in his hands. He's praying.
He looks up when he hears the door, and his face is so open and vulnerable, like when you wake someone up from sleep.
"Hey," he says, blinking.
"Sorry to interrupt," she says, and starts to leave.
"It's okay," he says. "Me and God just had some... uh. Things to talk over. What's up?"
She opens her mouth, but she can't do it.
"Nothing," she says. "Sorry." She hurries out, and feels him watching her as she goes.
***
The next Thursday, she almost doesn't go to O'Malley's, but finally decides, screw it, she'll go. Elliot hasn't said anything to indicate that Cragen's even told him yet, and there's no reason to make things any stranger. Besides, she'll miss Munch and Fin.
When Munch goes up to the bar, before Elliot's arrived, she turns to Fin and says that. "I'll miss this. All of us, here together."
"Yeah, I heard," Fin says, and she looks at him sharply.
"From Cragen?"
He looks a little confused. "From Elliot," he says.
Her eyebrows are somewhere in her hairline. "What? What did he say?" Something in her stomach's just twisted, and all her muscles are tight.
Fin shrugs. "It wasn't easy, but leaving's the right thing for him to do, I guess."
She has never been more startled. "What? He's leaving?" But he loves that school. He was there long before she was. That's not fair.
Fin looks at her slowly. "You didn't hear?"
She almost can't form coherent words. After a few false starts she says in a low voice, "He's not leaving because of me, is he?" Because she knows Fin understands.
Fin looks sorry, and half shrugs again. "It's not just that. But... well, it's the right thing for him to do."
Olivia's almost in tears, and she gets up from the table blindly. "I've got to go talk to him." She almost knocks Munch over in her hurry out of the bar, back to the school. She has to find him, tell him she's leaving, tell him he doesn't have to.
The lights are off in the school, but he's still in his office, sitting at his desk, not doing anything. Just sitting.
"Elliot," she says, and when he looks up she doesn't know what else to say.
They stare at each other for a long moment.
"You heard?" he says, and looks rueful.
"Elliot," she says again, and pauses.
He shrugs a little, and he looks happier than he has in awhile. Like a weight's been lifted or whatever. He's not smiling, but he's lost that troubled look.
"I asked Cragen for a transfer," she says. "You shouldn't leave because of me."
He blinks at her and his brow furrows. "You did what?"
"I'm leaving," she says. "You don’t have to." She's breathing hard, like she's been running.
"Olivia," he says, and he looks at a loss. "You shouldn't... This is something I have to do. In terms of calling, of what's right - I have to do this."
"No, you don't," she says.
He looks at her for a long moment, and he looks like he loves her and she can't take it. "Yeah, I do," he says.
She turns on her heel and walks out, because it's all too horrible and he won't listen.
At home in her apartment, she sits on her couch to watch CSI, and it's fifteen minutes before she realizes she forgot to turn on the TV.
There's a knock at the door, and when she looks through the peephole, it's Elliot. He's not wearing his collar.
"You shouldn't leave the school," she says, like a broken record, as she swings the door open. "You love that place."
He laughs a little. "What, I should stay there all night?' She lets him through the door.
"Don't be flippant. I mean, you shouldn't stop being the headmaster because of me."
He blinks. "Leave... the school."
"Yeah," she says, and leans against the closed door. "It's not fair."
He gives a disbelieving laugh. "Olivia." He pauses. "I'm not leaving the school. I'm leaving the priesthood."
"The priesthood," she repeats stupidly, before it sinks in. She blinks. "The priesthood?"
"Yeah," he says. "No one told you?"
She shakes her head dazedly and he's watching her and she feels only the loosest connection to reality.
"Why?" she says, finally, and she needs to sit down, but he's standing between her and the rest of the apartment, and she doesn't feel quite capable of pushing herself up from where she's slumped against the door anyway.
Then he smiles, and he leans in, and props his hand against the door and kisses her, and it's soft and tentative, and he's a PRIEST, so who knows how long since he's done this?
He's surprisingly good at it, considering, and he puts her hands at her waist, which is a good thing since she's not quite sure that her legs can support her. This has been the most surprising night of her life, and even without his tongue sliding into her mouth, she'd be a little shaky.
He pulls back for breath and laughs a little, delightedly, and moves in to kiss her again. She pushes him back. "Wait, what about God?"
He laughs more. "It's okay. Me and God had a talk. He's fine with it."
"Oh, really," she says.
"Yeah," he says, so close his breath is warm on her mouth, and he kisses her again, then pulls back to say, "God thinks you're hot."
She shoves him and he's cracking up, and she says, "You are the worst priest in the world."
"Ex-priest," he says, and kisses her.
***
They kiss against the door for longer than Olivia's kissed anyone since she was sixteen and didn't go any farther. Finally, when she realizes Elliot might be content to do this all night, she pushes him back towards the couch, and he almost trips over his own feet. He's flushed and breathing heavily, and he looks at her with wide eyes as she pushes him down and straddles his lap.
"This okay?" she asks, and he nods.
"Been awhile," he says roughly, and she smiles.
"Guess so."
His hand on her breast is hesitant, but gets more certain, and he's kissing her throat and she can't believe this is happening. She pulls his t-shirt over his head, and he shudders as she touches his chest.
"Bedroom?" she says finally, and he looks at her for a long moment, almost panicked.
She sits back, and he says, "Yes," quickly, deciding.
She nods and gets up, and takes off her shirt and bra as she walks to the bed, him following behind. She hears his quick intake of breath when she drops them to the floor.
Then he is suddenly sure, in front of her, pushing her back onto the bed, kissing her nipples, working at the buttons on her pants. He's not good at it, but he finally gets it undone, and she does his, and he's so hard and desperate.
He's trying so hard to hold back, go slow, but she's been waiting for this for months, and even if months aren't 20 years of celibacy, she's a little desperate herself.
"C'mon," she says, and he pushes inside her just a little too fast, and she bites back a grunt, and he pulls back to look at her, alarmed.
"Okay?" he says, and he's so worried, and she smiles.
"Yeah," she says, and arches her back, and he groans.
"Ohmygosh," he manages and she laughs at how he doesn't say 'god', and he's rocking in and out of her and she's already close.
He comes first, with a desperate sound, and he drops his head to her shoulder and kisses her neck, and when he realizes she hasn't finished he reaches down between their bodies and works at her clit until she does.
"Elliot," she says as she comes, and he pulls back to look at her, and his eyes are bright.
"Holy...," he starts, and seems at a loss as to how to finish the phrase. "... something," he finally says.
He lies on his back next to her while their breathing evens out, and as silence comes on, she says, "Worth it?"
"Oh yeah," he says, without even thinking, and she laughs.
***
END
Also, this is not even sacriligious, because I had an attack of conscience, so the hell thing doesn't even really apply. At least no more than usual.
Eleison
***
Olivia knows that Bishop Cragen was the one who pushed for her to be brought in as principal of Sacred Heart Academy. He's right, she's good at her job, but she worries a little bit about how the rest of the school will take it.
She doesn't meet the headmaster until her first day. Father Elliot Stabler. He's friendlier than she expects, his handshake warm and firm.
He's young. Well, her age. He shows her around the school and says hello by name to the students they pass.
Her office is between his and the counselor's, and when he leaves her there, she sits at her desk and stares into space for a few minutes. He is better looking than a priest has a right to be. This strikes her as unfair, though she's not sure why.
***
She must be fitting in all right, because on Thursday night they invite her down to the bar with them, their regular night at O'Malley's. Father Elliot and Monique Jeffries, the counselor, and Bishop Cragen and two men Olivia's never seen before.
Father Elliot puts his hand on her shoulder as he introduces her around, and she sees the men exchange a glance. "Olivia Benson, this is John Munch, our local rabbi, and Odafin Tutuola, our Baptist preacher." He keeps his hand on her shoulder as she shakes hands, like he's forgotten it's there.
"Pleasure," Munch says, looking over his glasses.
Olivia takes a seat as Father Elliot goes to get them a round. "Well, this is very ecumenical," she says.
"It's the start of a bad joke," Munch says. "We walk into a bar, and...."
Fin interrupts with a groan. "Please don't."
"What?" Munch says, and Fin glares at him.
Father Cragen steps in quickly, like it's a habit, turning to her to change the subject. "Olivia, how's your first week going?"
"Fine," she says. "It's a good school."
Father Elliot comes back with the drinks, and pulls up a chair so he's next to her. There's too many of them around the table, and his knee brushes hers. Neither of them moves away.
***
In the morning, she looks up from paperwork to see him leaning against the doorway watching her, a mug in his hand.
"Father Elliot," she says, surprised. "Hi."
"You want coffee?" he asks, and holds out the mug.
"Oh," she says. "Sure. Thanks."
He walks over and sets it on her desk, then looks at her with a little smile. "You can just call me Elliot, you know. You don't have to say 'Father' every time."
She nods slowly and focuses on the coffee. He'd brought her some sugar packets, and she rips one open carefully. "Okay," she says. "Elliot."
"I'm sitting in on Mary's class second period," he says. "If you need me."
"Great," she says, and watches him as he walks out.
From the crucifix on the opposite wall of her office, Jesus seems to be giving her a disapproving look. She doesn't blame him.
***
A month into the semester, she's in the main office chatting with the secretary during the class change between fifth and sixth periods when there's a commotion down the hall - some panicked sounding screaming, like someone's being murdered. She immediately takes off running for the source, pushing her way through terrified 15-year-olds to finally see Elliot wrestling Kenny Harrison. Who is holding a gun straight up above his head.
Her stomach drops, but she immediately dives in to help, grabs Kenny's arm and together they get the gun away from him.
Kenny's crying and Elliot's holding his arms in a tight grip behind him, and Olivia's got the gun and it's heavier than she thought a gun would be.
Everywhere the students are in an uproar, and she hopes someone's called the cops already, and where is security?
"Okay, people," she shouts. "I want everyone in their classrooms NOW. Everything's okay, it's under control, but you all need to get out of the hallway."
She starts herding them along, and Elliot's muscling Kenny back towards the office. Kenny's still sobbing and Olivia hears Elliot murmuring to him as they pass her. "Okay, Kenny, shhh, calm down, it's okay."
The rest of the day is all police reports and calling Kenny's parents and reassuring kids and calming the place down and she is running on adrenaline all through it.
It's not until four, when everything's been taken care of and Kenny's been expelled (zero tolerance policy) and the kids have long gone home, that she finds herself alone in her office and suddenly shaky. She sits unsteadily in her chair and leans her head back, staring at the ceiling. Without warning she is envisioning all the ways things could've gone wrong - Kenny shooting a kid in the hallway, or himself, and blood everywhere, and her school hallway a crime scene. She can't stop shaking.
"You okay?" Elliot asks from the doorway.
She takes a deep breath and sits up straight. "Yeah," she says, on an exhale. "You?"
He shrugs ruefully. "It's hitting me now."
"Yeah," she says. "That... it could've been bad."
He slouches into a chair to the side of her desk. "Yeah," he says, looking into space.
"You were great, though," she says, and he smiles with half his mouth.
"No, *you* were great. I was terrified. Thought I was going to soil myself."
She laughs. "Me too."
"That kid," he says. "Getting picked on. Just trying to scare the other guys into leaving him alone."
"I know," she says. "I've talked to them a hundred times. Detention, suspension...."
"I know you have," Elliot says.
She sighs. "What a world, huh? Sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do to make things better for these kids. This job...." She trails off.
Elliot twists his mouth. "Guess it could be worse."
"Oh yeah?"
"We could be social workers. Or, God forbid, cops."
She laughs. "Yeah."
***
There's a knock at the door to her office and when she looks up, she's surprised to see Brian standing there, a goofy smile on his face. "Is Principal Benson here? I got sent to her office for discipline."
She rolls her eyes at him and he comes in, smirking. "What are you doing here?" she asks as she stands up.
"What, a guy can't surprise his girlfriend at work?" He leans in to kiss her hello, and it gets a little more long and involved than usual.
Elliot's voice comes from outside. "Hey, Liv, do you... oh, excuse me," he says as he walks in the door and sees them. Olivia jumps back as though she's a high schooler caught making out under the bleachers, blushing furiously. Which is ridiculous.
Elliot, standing in the doorway, seems at a loss. He has a strange expression on his face and doesn't appear to know what to do with his hands.
Brian looks back and forth between them. "Er... hi," he says finally. "I'm Brian Cassidy."
Olivia comes back to herself suddenly. "I'm sorry, Brian, this is Father Elliot Stabler, our headmaster. Elliot, this is my, er. Friend. Brian."
"Nice to meet you," Elliot says, subdued, as they shake hands.
"Likewise," Brian says. Turning to Olivia, he says, "So you wanna get lunch?"
"Sure," she says, and gathers up her things. When she looks up again, Elliot's gone, and all through lunch, she keeps thinking about the look on his face when he saw them kissing, trying to think of an adjective that describes it.
Stricken, she thinks briefly, before dismissing it. He's a priest. He wasn't stricken.
Well. She was going to break up with Brian anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with that.
***
When Elliot does the Mass he is absolutely sober, serious, quiet. He looks strong and trustworthy and holy and far away, his movements sure and focused.
After they say the Lord's Prayer all together, he continues with the liturgy alone, as is usual. But this time when he says, "In your mercy keep us free from sin," his eyes settle on Olivia, just for a moment. Then they move on as though he didn't even recognize her.
She watches him bless the elements and wonders what the hell she's doing.
***
She gets to O'Malley's at the same time as Munch and Fin, and as Fin opens the door for her, Munch says, "Okay, so a Baptist, a Rabbi and a Catholic walk into a bar."
"Does the Baptist kill the Rabbi?" Fin asks.
"No," Munch says. "He buys him a drink."
"That *is* a funny joke," Fin says, and Olivia laughs. They grab a table.
"So where's your worse half?" Munch asks her. "The set-up works better with a priest."
Olivia is suddenly busy with her napkin. "Elliot? I'm not sure."
"Hmmm," Munch says, and when she looks up, he and Fin are glancing at each other.
Elliot never does show. She pretends it doesn't bother her.
***
In the second semester, she finally calls Bishop Cragen's office and gets an appointment to meet with him. It takes her three days to get up the nerve to call, and once she's made the appointment, she picks up the phone four times to cancel it. She never gets farther than two digits into the phone number before she hangs up, though.
When she finally meets with him, she asks for a transfer to another parish.
Cragen looks at her levelly for a few minutes, and she doesn't meet his eyes. He doesn't seem surprised. "And why's that?" he finally asks, his tone quiet.
"I... um," she starts. "Just feel that another place might be better. For me. Personally."
He sits back in his chair, still looking at her quietly. "Is there a problem with the staff? What?"
"No," she says quickly, and then bites the inside of her lip. "Well. Not a problem." She can feel herself starting to blush and she stares at his desk.
"I see," Cragen says. "Elliot?"
She nods, and when she looks up, Cragen is looking at her compassionately.
"I wondered," he starts, and then stops. "I should've been more careful. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she says.
"Do you really think a transfer is necessary?" Cragen asks, and she nods. There is a statue of St. Jude against the wall behind him. Lost causes, she thinks. Ironic.
"All right," Cragen says finally. "I'll see what I can do." As she gets up to leave, he adds, "Do you want me to tell Elliot?"
She stops and then slowly turns. "I... yeah. Thank you." She hurries out before she can change her mind.
***
She almost tells Elliot herself. He's not in his office, and she actually goes around the whole school looking for him. She finally finds him in the chapel, sitting in the second pew with his head in his hands. He's praying.
He looks up when he hears the door, and his face is so open and vulnerable, like when you wake someone up from sleep.
"Hey," he says, blinking.
"Sorry to interrupt," she says, and starts to leave.
"It's okay," he says. "Me and God just had some... uh. Things to talk over. What's up?"
She opens her mouth, but she can't do it.
"Nothing," she says. "Sorry." She hurries out, and feels him watching her as she goes.
***
The next Thursday, she almost doesn't go to O'Malley's, but finally decides, screw it, she'll go. Elliot hasn't said anything to indicate that Cragen's even told him yet, and there's no reason to make things any stranger. Besides, she'll miss Munch and Fin.
When Munch goes up to the bar, before Elliot's arrived, she turns to Fin and says that. "I'll miss this. All of us, here together."
"Yeah, I heard," Fin says, and she looks at him sharply.
"From Cragen?"
He looks a little confused. "From Elliot," he says.
Her eyebrows are somewhere in her hairline. "What? What did he say?" Something in her stomach's just twisted, and all her muscles are tight.
Fin shrugs. "It wasn't easy, but leaving's the right thing for him to do, I guess."
She has never been more startled. "What? He's leaving?" But he loves that school. He was there long before she was. That's not fair.
Fin looks at her slowly. "You didn't hear?"
She almost can't form coherent words. After a few false starts she says in a low voice, "He's not leaving because of me, is he?" Because she knows Fin understands.
Fin looks sorry, and half shrugs again. "It's not just that. But... well, it's the right thing for him to do."
Olivia's almost in tears, and she gets up from the table blindly. "I've got to go talk to him." She almost knocks Munch over in her hurry out of the bar, back to the school. She has to find him, tell him she's leaving, tell him he doesn't have to.
The lights are off in the school, but he's still in his office, sitting at his desk, not doing anything. Just sitting.
"Elliot," she says, and when he looks up she doesn't know what else to say.
They stare at each other for a long moment.
"You heard?" he says, and looks rueful.
"Elliot," she says again, and pauses.
He shrugs a little, and he looks happier than he has in awhile. Like a weight's been lifted or whatever. He's not smiling, but he's lost that troubled look.
"I asked Cragen for a transfer," she says. "You shouldn't leave because of me."
He blinks at her and his brow furrows. "You did what?"
"I'm leaving," she says. "You don’t have to." She's breathing hard, like she's been running.
"Olivia," he says, and he looks at a loss. "You shouldn't... This is something I have to do. In terms of calling, of what's right - I have to do this."
"No, you don't," she says.
He looks at her for a long moment, and he looks like he loves her and she can't take it. "Yeah, I do," he says.
She turns on her heel and walks out, because it's all too horrible and he won't listen.
At home in her apartment, she sits on her couch to watch CSI, and it's fifteen minutes before she realizes she forgot to turn on the TV.
There's a knock at the door, and when she looks through the peephole, it's Elliot. He's not wearing his collar.
"You shouldn't leave the school," she says, like a broken record, as she swings the door open. "You love that place."
He laughs a little. "What, I should stay there all night?' She lets him through the door.
"Don't be flippant. I mean, you shouldn't stop being the headmaster because of me."
He blinks. "Leave... the school."
"Yeah," she says, and leans against the closed door. "It's not fair."
He gives a disbelieving laugh. "Olivia." He pauses. "I'm not leaving the school. I'm leaving the priesthood."
"The priesthood," she repeats stupidly, before it sinks in. She blinks. "The priesthood?"
"Yeah," he says. "No one told you?"
She shakes her head dazedly and he's watching her and she feels only the loosest connection to reality.
"Why?" she says, finally, and she needs to sit down, but he's standing between her and the rest of the apartment, and she doesn't feel quite capable of pushing herself up from where she's slumped against the door anyway.
Then he smiles, and he leans in, and props his hand against the door and kisses her, and it's soft and tentative, and he's a PRIEST, so who knows how long since he's done this?
He's surprisingly good at it, considering, and he puts her hands at her waist, which is a good thing since she's not quite sure that her legs can support her. This has been the most surprising night of her life, and even without his tongue sliding into her mouth, she'd be a little shaky.
He pulls back for breath and laughs a little, delightedly, and moves in to kiss her again. She pushes him back. "Wait, what about God?"
He laughs more. "It's okay. Me and God had a talk. He's fine with it."
"Oh, really," she says.
"Yeah," he says, so close his breath is warm on her mouth, and he kisses her again, then pulls back to say, "God thinks you're hot."
She shoves him and he's cracking up, and she says, "You are the worst priest in the world."
"Ex-priest," he says, and kisses her.
***
They kiss against the door for longer than Olivia's kissed anyone since she was sixteen and didn't go any farther. Finally, when she realizes Elliot might be content to do this all night, she pushes him back towards the couch, and he almost trips over his own feet. He's flushed and breathing heavily, and he looks at her with wide eyes as she pushes him down and straddles his lap.
"This okay?" she asks, and he nods.
"Been awhile," he says roughly, and she smiles.
"Guess so."
His hand on her breast is hesitant, but gets more certain, and he's kissing her throat and she can't believe this is happening. She pulls his t-shirt over his head, and he shudders as she touches his chest.
"Bedroom?" she says finally, and he looks at her for a long moment, almost panicked.
She sits back, and he says, "Yes," quickly, deciding.
She nods and gets up, and takes off her shirt and bra as she walks to the bed, him following behind. She hears his quick intake of breath when she drops them to the floor.
Then he is suddenly sure, in front of her, pushing her back onto the bed, kissing her nipples, working at the buttons on her pants. He's not good at it, but he finally gets it undone, and she does his, and he's so hard and desperate.
He's trying so hard to hold back, go slow, but she's been waiting for this for months, and even if months aren't 20 years of celibacy, she's a little desperate herself.
"C'mon," she says, and he pushes inside her just a little too fast, and she bites back a grunt, and he pulls back to look at her, alarmed.
"Okay?" he says, and he's so worried, and she smiles.
"Yeah," she says, and arches her back, and he groans.
"Ohmygosh," he manages and she laughs at how he doesn't say 'god', and he's rocking in and out of her and she's already close.
He comes first, with a desperate sound, and he drops his head to her shoulder and kisses her neck, and when he realizes she hasn't finished he reaches down between their bodies and works at her clit until she does.
"Elliot," she says as she comes, and he pulls back to look at her, and his eyes are bright.
"Holy...," he starts, and seems at a loss as to how to finish the phrase. "... something," he finally says.
He lies on his back next to her while their breathing evens out, and as silence comes on, she says, "Worth it?"
"Oh yeah," he says, without even thinking, and she laughs.
***
END